Housing Benefits letter: congratulations! Blah Blah, your landlord will get £145.67 on Monday 12th February 2024
Monday, 12th February, 2024
Me: Hello homeless office, did you get the housing benefit payment of £145.67?
Homeless office guy: I don't know. Let me check.
[couple minutes later]
Homeless office guy: I don't know how to find out.
Me: Then can I have a copy of my Rent Account please?
Homeless office guy: I don't know. Let me check.
[couple minutes later]
Homeless office guy: I don't know how to find that either. Come back later.
Thursday, 15th February
[Via Email] Homeless office guy #2: Hello I'm writing to inform you that you owe loads of rent. Please contact me to arrange a payment plan or you won't get offered a flat.
[Via email, 5 minutes later] Me: What? I've paid every week's rent. I'll send you the details later, I am busy for a couple days.
Friday, 16th February
[two hours attempting, unsuccessfully, to get through on the phone]
Saturday, 17th February
[Via email] Me: Here is the amount I have paid
Monday, 19th February
[two hours attempting, unsuccessfully, to get through on the phone]
Tuesday, 20th February
Me: Hello homeless office, do you know why I'm here?
Homeless office guy #1: Yes you need to discuss your arrears.
Me: I don't have any. Here's three months of bank statements with everything highlighted.
Homeless office guy #1: you'll have to speak to Rent Lady.
Rent Lady: Here's a copy of your rent account, and a separate list of every payment we've received. You owe us £850 or whatever.
Me: These two papers you've just given me contradict each other. I also have three months of bank statements right here, proving I have paid all that rent.
Rent Lady: I have to go now. Come back with your payment receipts tomorrow! Bye!
Wednesday, 21th February
Me: Hello homeless office -
Homeless office lady #2: Oh you're not here about your rent AGAIN are you? She just went home!
Me: what.
Homeless office lady #2: Yeah you just missed her. Come back tomorrow.
Me: what hours does she work?
Homeless office lady #2: Nine to Five. She just went home early now I don't know why.
Do not, my friends, become addicted to stable housing. It will take hold of you, and you will resent its absence.