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Housing Benefits letter: congratulations! Blah Blah, your landlord will get £145.67 on Monday 12th February 2024


Monday, 12th February, 2024

Me: Hello homeless office, did you get the housing benefit payment of £145.67?

Homeless office guy: I don't know. Let me check.

[couple minutes later]

Homeless office guy: I don't know how to find out.

Me: Then can I have a copy of my Rent Account please?

Homeless office guy: I don't know. Let me check.

[couple minutes later]

Homeless office guy: I don't know how to find that either. Come back later.


Thursday, 15th February

[Via Email] Homeless office guy #2: Hello I'm writing to inform you that you owe loads of rent. Please contact me to arrange a payment plan or you won't get offered a flat.

[Via email, 5 minutes later] Me: What? I've paid every week's rent. I'll send you the details later, I am busy for a couple days.


Friday, 16th February

[two hours attempting, unsuccessfully, to get through on the phone]


Saturday, 17th February

[Via email] Me: Here is the amount I have paid


Monday, 19th February

[two hours attempting, unsuccessfully, to get through on the phone]


Tuesday, 20th February

Me: Hello homeless office, do you know why I'm here?

Homeless office guy #1: Yes you need to discuss your arrears.

Me: I don't have any. Here's three months of bank statements with everything highlighted.

Homeless office guy #1: you'll have to speak to Rent Lady.

Rent Lady: Here's a copy of your rent account, and a separate list of every payment we've received. You owe us £850 or whatever.

Me: These two papers you've just given me contradict each other. I also have three months of bank statements right here, proving I have paid all that rent.

Rent Lady: I have to go now. Come back with your payment receipts tomorrow! Bye!


Wednesday, 21th February

Me: Hello homeless office -

Homeless office lady #2: Oh you're not here about your rent AGAIN are you? She just went home!

Me: what.

Homeless office lady #2: Yeah you just missed her. Come back tomorrow.

Me: what hours does she work?

Homeless office lady #2: Nine to Five. She just went home early now I don't know why.


Do not, my friends, become addicted to stable housing. It will take hold of you, and you will resent its absence.


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