Oseni of Chald, the Sidekick Worth Her Weight In Gold
My birthday is the last day of March and to honor myself I am posting one of my own favorite OCs every day of March: The OC Jubilee.
She sprang out of bed to hurry into her guard uniform with the fern crest of the White Jungle province of Chald. “Oh, and I know you’re a sad lonely widower beginning a hopeful new chapter in life, so don’t get the wrong idea and hurt yourself…” She spun her gun around her finger in a wholly needless flourish before tucking it into her belt. “I’m married to my job.”
Every god needs a woman like Oseni on their case. Unfortunately, there's only one of her to go around, and she's already got her hands full trying to manage Barsamin and Kapriel at the same time. She wields the two very rare elemental powers of Sanity and Gun. (The Chaldic nation keeps extremely tight control over the world's gun supply as well as the secrets of their production.) I'm not entirely sure what the job opening she applied for said, exactly, but the job she got was "being the only living human being that Lord God Vahagn allowed to be left alone with his family." His sister Talassen contributed to the decision, feeling that Oseni's distinct tomboyness, not generally considered a positive in Chaldic girls, would be a positive influence on Barsamin – who maybe could use a little more tom in his boy.
Oseni kills people. Oseni's killed some nontrivially plural number of people. I have no idea how many, as it's mostly implicit background noise. I've characterized her ethical stance as: "oh no no, honey, don't kill someone, that'd be wrong. Let Auntie Gun do it for you." She would never just stand by and let Barsamin kill someone, but if she felt he had a good reason for trying, she'd do it herself and not feel bad about it at all. She knows that's kind of fucked up, but oh well.
Oseni is, to put it bluntly, a total slut (and apparently the rarely sighted straight slut, at that). However, she's never fallen in love once in her life; been on friendly terms with people she's banged, yes, but whatever is supposed to ✨happen,✨ it's never happened. She worried that this was proof there was something really, really wrong with her, but then she realized that she loves "her boys" Barsamin and Kapriel dearly as though they were her sons. She has proven, multiple times, that she will shoot a god in the face to protect them. It's never quite occurred to the very rank-and-title-sensitive Kapriel that he lets her get away with calling him "kiddo" in front of others, the surest proof that she is, for all intents and purposes, his mother.
Having one autistic child genius on her hands was quite enough to worry about, but then Kapriel somehow recruited Varodahn to his party and expected Oseni to just deal with it. So now she has her own personal divine trinity, as the most loyal and trusted servant of the God of the Storm, the God of Secrets and the Goddess of Sight. (But take note: Kapriel is the only one of these three who actually pays her. Barsamin did try to fire her once!, and Kapriel overruled him.)
Even though it did kinda directly contribute to his death in the end when she had a momentary attack of conscience, hiring this woman was the best godsdamn decision Lord God Vahagn ever made.
Vibe music:
Pumped Up Kicks (orchestral)
Cowgirl (Dance Dance Revolution)
What can I say? Oseni is one of my Violent Women. I'm pretty sure "I'm a cowgirl, bangedy-bang, and I'm shootin' all around" is just on permanent loop between her ears.