Now go up to the blackboard and write 50 times, "'Parasocial' does not mean being on friendly terms with someone who has slightly more followers than you."
I am on the order of 30,000 followers on twitter, 10,000 on mastodon (which is much, much nearer the top there) and several severals on cohost, and I’ve repeatedly had to reassure people: speaking to me in a place I’ve chosen to be available for speaking to is not parasocial! Presuming we might count as friends after six months of talking to each other about our lives and interests is not parasocial! That’s just social! I promise I’m not mad! I get a lot more @’s from randos than the median internet user but I’m not actually some mega celebrity who needs to approach all human interaction with extreme caution for their own safety. Reader, I married one of my low follow count randos.
The only people I’ve considered to be treating me parasocially are those who are clearly obsessively stalking me out of “love” or “hate” based on superficial stereotypes.
"Parasocial" has become a term that means "toxic imaginary relationship with a celebrity" but that's not what the word actually means! Having parasocial relationships is normal and pretty much unavoidable with media being ubiquitous. It also goes both directions: media figures have a parasocial relationship with their audience, which as a collective can have its own sort of personality. Discourse™ has misled people by only providing part of the story (the negative part). I can't pull it up right now but Hank Green did a video about this somewhat recently
[edited to add: previous posts are perfectly valid, everyone understands what they're saying, I'm not sharing this to refute anything. Just think it's interesting how the word is being used]
I guess I should clarify that by “treating me parasocially” I mean in a way that has an emotionally tangible negative impact on me; most parasociality is the iceberg below the waterline so to speak and doesn’t hurt anyone (and can give positive emotions). Let me give a concrete example from real life: there’s an artist whose webcomic I’ve been reading since like 2006. They started dating someone and posting comics about the relationship, and I found the relationship to be very cute and sweet and that they suited each other well (but I was only seeing the part being willingly shared publicly) and I thought to myself “I hope they end up getting married! However they’re both like 18 so unfortunately they’ll probably break up in a year.” But then they did get married, and they’re still together, and I am still a fan, so to speak, of the ship. And I still only know what details they’re sharing publicly knowing that strangers will read it.
I’ve never spoken to either of them, so none of my thoughts about this are their problem. That’s all definitely parasocial but in a way that’s fine. And if by some strange twist of fate I did get to know them personally, I’d have a responsibility to set aside my conceptions based on their public image and get to know them for who they really are, the ups and the downs and the complicated wrinkles.