for me, being aroace is an inherent wholeness. i am my own system. i am complete as myself. i do not yearn for the company of others when my own company suits me just as well.
it's taken me a LONG time to recognize that that's not the norm. most people have an urge to find someone to complete them, whatever that means for them. sexuality makes sense to me as a desire for closeness- to become one with someone other than yourself and share your totality with them (and them with you). i think romanticism too, to an extent, is an expression of this desire for closeness, just not physically.
we're beings with consciousness and i think that's bound to a deep desire to have someone know you in and out. for me, that someone is myself.
i wish i could say something corny like 'oh i've fallen in love with myself' or something like that but that's not it. this all clicked upon seeing one of those images of queer groups from the 80s, with a chalkboard that said asexuality, and underneath it self-sexual. for me, that's it.