ok so i have some thoughts about extending a little grace and compassion to teenagers whose takes might seem really bad and misinformed:
- speaking from a place of pain/fear: when i was growing up i didn't really learn any emotional regulation skills from my parents, so often my opinions about the world were tapping into a deeply Hurt place and all that intensity would be channeled into my 'takes' which felt really immediate and really real to me. It took time for me to learn those skills and I had to be in a place of safety (outside my parent's control) to be able to form opinions on things in a more thoughtful way with historical context and extending empathy to others
- controlled access to information: some minors have really terrible access to information, whether outright misinformation, lacking media literacy, or growing up in a dogmatic religious culture! This sucks and isn't their fault! what's more, I think especially young people are more likely to regurgitate something they've heard as a way to figure out what they think about something (I think this is unconscious) for example when I was a teenager I had what I now consider a really shitty 'feminist' take on porn! I was regurgitating some 'feminist' anti-porn take that I had read online that I 100% do not stand by now but i was trying to take on a big issue by claiming confidently that I knew where I stood on the issue, this was a false borrowed kind of confidence but it was a way of learning all the same because it would provoke conversations
- kids need to learn how to make mistakes without public ridicule and violence: mistakes are inevitable in all of us! I think myself and probably many others feel like when you make a mistake it's crushing, humiliating, and even catastrophic to your sense of stability in your relationships! we need compassion when we are learning! we need to understand that we are safe in relationships as we are learning and won't be punished by people making us the butt of a joke for how much we have yet to grow or how much we don't understand about the world yet! I want to live in a world where we don't stunt the growth of minors or younger people because it's easier to mock their ignorance than thinking of them as whole complex people who need love and safety!
This is something I have to remind myself sometimes. My first nuanced “take” didn’t happen because someone told me off for the nonsense I said as a kid, it was because I had seemingly opposed experiences that I had to reconcile and figure out.
Being younger means it’s less likely that you’ve really had to sit with your experiences and ask yourself the important questions. For example, living in a heteronormative society/household means that it takes more time to experience and identify queer experiences. And that doesn’t mean anything until you compare those new queer experiences with the heteronormative ones you’ve had before.
It takes time to have enough life to have opposing experiences in your own life. And it takes even more time to really parse what those experiences mean and have that inform your own opinions. It takes time and space and effort to do all that. I feel that right now, kids aren’t being afforded that time and space. They are expected to just choose the right side. I feel like it’s important as adults for us to give kids that space and act as guides when we can by asking questions and being attentive listeners.