Did a little meditation last night to get into the right headspace to talk to Aether. He doesn't know anyone else who's in here, but he DOES know that the ? person from yesterday is a thing. A little, probably, who's very scared and confused, and that bleeds over when they front. And Aether doesn't like that, either. He's not used to feeling feelings like that (and why should he? He's a big, scary dragon! Why should he ever be scared?) So I ended up comforting him, which I think might have been the first time that ever happened. And he appreciated that, which was very nice.
I also figured out today he stays verrrrry far away from my job. I have "an email job" (you know, you do meetings and write emails and chase people down instead of writing code or dealing with customers) and I'm in a comfortable position and I'm secure. I'm not afraid of getting fired or laid off. But I have been, both things, in the past, and that traumatized me very badly. I have ADHD, but I didn't realize it for a long time, so at the start of my career, I wouldn't write emails, call people, or make the things I was supposed to make. People would ask me for [x] or ask me why I haven't done [y] yet, and I would panic, and Aether would make some sort of lie for me...and it would never work out. Because emails have time stamps, and other people would say no, actually, I haven't talked to [me] about [thing] at all.
So, when I got my current job, I KNEW I had ADHD, and I had medicine, so I did everything I could to make sure I never fell behind. I would put all of my mental energy into being on top of things, and it was so tiring. I was trying so hard to remember everything. And so I think no one else ever really fronted then. Or if they did, it was when I was goofing off, or had down time. So whenever I get into "okay I need to make this thing, I need to write this email" mode, Aether runs off and wants nothing to do with it. Which is good, I do not trust him to write any emails for me lol, but it is a little lonely to be JUST me.
The times I do switch seem to be when I'm working from home, when the lines of "work" and "not work" blur more, and I can sit weird and not have to be dressed nice and can have whatever show I want on. But when I'm in the office, the environment (and how I have to act) is so different, it's just ONLY me.
This probably seems like a mess! But these help me figure things out, and it's a good exercise. Thank you anyone who reads these.
