you stand up and away from your desk, and walking over to your bed, pulling off your clothes, adjusting the blanket and pillows, it feels like it just happened 5 minutes ago. but that was last night. Or the night before that? or maybe last week. it's not as bad as it used to be, per se- every day doesn't feel exactly the same anymore. but it does feel like the routine and hobbies just don't work anymore. you could wade out into the ocean- you've been there before many times, but it was always with the goal of finding another lake to climb into, safe from the chaos and circumstance and fear. but you'd be missing out on the company and familiarity you've come to know, and has come to expect you, the chattering and music and dice rolls around the campfire- the ones that have pulled you back up when you started drowning- there's a real fear of missing out, of hurting or disappointing, but what do you do to help yourself? it's not so bad, i guess. you could do both, but it takes a lot of energy and time, both of which are limited. even with that limit though, i do wish the days would stop flying by so fast.
