Musical Guardian Synth-Metal kicked off her boots and went to make herself some coffee after a long solo mission.
The whole Musical Guardian Anti-Carceral Magical Squad thing was going pretty cool in her opinion, on account of her not being in jail. Still, the finer points of de-escalation and non-violent engagement were not her... strong points, as such. Always nice to get to just go blast a big mindless monster with lightning.
Grindcore, Deep Funk, and Phoebe had set up a conspiracy board type thing in the kitchen, and were stressing over a map of the city with various locations crossed off. They were also hogging the coffee pot.
"What's uh. What's this?" She asked, kissing Phoebe gently on the top of her head and gesturing at the chaos.
"We have a little bit of a world-ending situation." Phoebe explained, sighing. "You may have noticed that it's raining blood."
"I picked up on that, yeah." Synth-Metal said, nodding. "Is this a situation that calls for my talents?"
Phoebe shook her head. "Nah. Really all we need to do is interrupt the cultists that are trying to summon fucking Cthaaproq, the Great Annihilator, and then once the ritual is interrupted gently convince them that maybe there are other solutions to their problems than destroying the universe." She gestured at the map. "But we dunno where they are. So, big problem."
Synth-Metal kept nodding slowly. That did sound like a big problem. She squinted and put her hand to her forehead.
"Wait, Cthaaproq, that's the fuckin' uhhh, Void that Hates guy, yeah?"
The three looked at eachother, than at her.
"Yes? Why?" Asked Grindcore.
"Okay, one sec." Synth-Metal said, pulling out her phone.
She scrolled through her contacts, and Phoebe shrugged as Grindcore and Deep Funk looked to her for answers.
"Ugh, I swear I know this one. Let me ask the group chat."
"Group chat?" Deep Funk whispered.
"I'm as lost as you are." Said Phoebe.
"Oh my god right it was Dru thank you Professor Outrageous okay one sec-"
"Who is Dru?" Grindcore asked.
"She's in a group chat with Professor Outrageous? The robot dinosaur lady?" Deep Funk asked.
"I don't know?!" Phoebe said, putting her hands up exasperatedly.
Synth-Metal ignored them all, and put her phone to her ear.
"Hey, Dru? Yeah it's Megavolt-"
"Okay I know we all know but she really shouldn't just be talking about that openly."
"- I was- Oh what? When? Yeah of course we'll come holy shit congratulations!"
Phoebe tugged at her sleeve, and she covered the phone with her hand. "Dru and Janine are getting married, we're invited." She whispered.
Phoebe gestured at the map, anxious.
"Yeah I'm getting to it hold on- Dru? Yeah that's so great, do you have a minute? Okay, you know how you were in a cult for a while? That was a Cthaaproq thing, right? It was, great! Yeah, yeah that is why it's raining blood! Okay, if a cult was trying to summon him, where would they be doing it?"
Synth-Metal leaned over the map. "Uh huh. Yeah. Yeah just like a general area is fine." She took a pen and circled a segment about a block in diameter. Grindcore looked at it and started texting all the Guardians in the field to check it out. "Okay, you're a lifesaver Dru. Can't wait for the wedding."
Phoebe tugged at her sleeve again. "Ask her about the cultists." She said.
"Right, uh, how did you uh, stop being a cultist exactly? Like if we wanted to get the rest to chill out, how- Uh huh. Okay, what is progesterone?"
Deep Funk snorted.
"Oh. I don't really know where to- Uh huh. Uh huh. Yeah I don't know any goth girls that I could get to do that. Yeah, no, it- I'm more of a below-average-titty punk, and I don't know how to put makeup on other people. Dru, this all sounds really specific to you and Janine. Are you sure this is the move?"
"Wait, does she mean tattoo artist Janine?" Grindcore asked, and Synth-Metal pointed at her and nodded. "Holy shit I actually know her. Her girlfriend is a void cultist?"
"Okay thanks. Yeah, uh, we'll try it I guess? Okay bye. See you at the wedding, congrats again. Bye."
Synth-Metal put away her phone.
"So, she says that we essentially just need to get them help for depression and they'll probably stop trying to summon eldritch horrors. And she suggests that, if this is the same crew she used to hang with, gently directing them towards gender affirming care would probably have at least a 50% hit rate."
"The goth girl thing didn't sound like gently directing." Deep Funk snickered.
"This puts that time she tried to convince me I'd look cuter femme in an entirely new light." Said Grindcore.
"Okay, uh-" Phoebe said, pinching the bridge of her nose. "Problem solved, I guess? But, why are you in a group chat with Professor Outrageous and a void cultist?"
"Former void cultist." Synth-Metal corrected her. "Did I never invite you to the villain chat?"
"No???"
"Really? Shit. I can't invite you now, we're not villains anymore."
"Why are you still in the villain group chat, Tara."
Synth-Metal shrugged. "They know I'm cool."
"Babe we could have been using this for intel this entire time."
"What? No. They trust me, I can't narc on them like that."
"I- Can you try to talk them into more constructive outlets for their feelings?"
She sighed. "That's like, not really the vibe of villain chat, hero."
"Babe you cannot be serious-"
