Parker Posey's Mouth

Halo showrunners: So what do you think?

Me: Looks good fellas. You've really nailed the translation of a thirty-second combat loop spiritually rooted in the quote-unquote war on terror to long-form episodic television. But, uh, I don't see the worm queen?

Halo showrunners (exchanging nervous glances): Worm... queen?

Me: Yeah, yeah. Worm queen. You know, badass regal-looking lady, retinue of worms, worms swarming out of the vents and the like, she commands the worms, yada yada yada. Worm queen. You know the drill. Gotta have a worm queen.

Halo showrunners (whispering): Gotta have a worm queen?

Me (through a mouthful of food): Kids these days - Gen Z, man. They expect a worm queen. They don't see a worm queen within the first five seconds, they'll swipe right on you, know what I mean? Real driver of engagement. Strong female characters. Queer representation. Worms! I mean, don't just take it from me - I'm just repeating what the boys at McKinsey said.

Halo showrunners (visibly sweating): McKinsey... worm queen?

Me (visibly playing infinite runner game on phone): But that's why you run these things by me, right? Look, if it were up to me, I'd just say, to hell with the worm queen! You do you. But we've got to think about the big picture here. And that picture is a powerful woman commanding a numberless multitude of worms.