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Genderfluid || LGBTTQQIAAP+ Ally || Bi/Pan || Poly || Feminist || PLURAL AF || Actually Creetur Shaped ΘΔ& || Table-top and gaming nerd || 3D Enviro/Asset Modeler and Surfacing Artist || Frequent Writer and Lover of Prose Poetry || May be Skunk Brained || BEWARE my content can be NSFW. 18+ 🔞 || Twitter Migrant

RIP Dogbomb
1963 - 2019


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SJHDoesGames
@SJHDoesGames

every time i see someone in a discord casually call themselves an ableist slur b/c they don't know how to do something and think that there's something wrong with them because of it (usually st-- or id--) I kinda wanna take them by the shoulders and go "do you understand that not knowing how to do something doesn't mean you're not 'smart'? that the whole point of learning new things is that you don't know yet and you are trying to learn?"

learned helplessness is. so frustrating to see because people use it to destroy themselves in a thousand different ways just to avoid the remote chance that they'll fail at something, and i wish i could help people understand that the more they just assume they can't learn to do something the more they set themselves up for not being able to.

failure is part of the process. please. just let it happen. you'll be ok. you'll figure it out.


TheBlackNerd
@TheBlackNerd

I literally told a coworker yesterday "If you tell yourself you can't get better at something, you will not get better at something"


sharksonaplane
@sharksonaplane

Also, this isn't just about helping yourself, it's about helping the people around you by taking real accountability, because calling yourself names isn't accountability for anything and helps zero people. Accountability means acknowledging you are able to learn and to improve.

Others may help you but you have to take the first step yourself, which is believing that you can learn, that you can do your own research, and that even if you misstep along the way, it's still worth it to learn new things. Once you do that, not only does it help you, it helps you help others better, too.



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in reply to @SJHDoesGames's post:

happy it helped

i am in dialogue w/myself about this in different ways, but it's the thing i see the most in a lot of other spaces i'm in and it pretty much constantly presses my "teacher man" button, and today kinda was just A Day Where It Really Got To Me

So basically, most of my learned helplessness is about simultaneously very abstract and very universal skill of "executive function."

And I have ADHD but that doesn't mean I can't work with what I've got in order to improve, y'know.

yeah like. i definitely and deliberately Did Not Get Into how xdys intersects with a lot of this because I'm not equipped to have that conversation even though i have my issues w/it A Lot, but oftentimes the only way out is through, whenever you are ready for what through looks like for you and your resources. I'm glad that you recognize that though.

Yeah I'll confess I really take refuge in my self-loathing when it comes to these things. It's kinda like, an impluse that I need to internalize that I'm worthless because I need to remove the capacity to continue disappointing myself.

It's really intoxicating to think I could achieve a resigned numbness when I don't do things as well as I could. It's a setup to failure to convince yourself everything you do is a vain attempt to be a person that can demonstrate some kind of value to others