This one was about the existence of a show on HGTV named Bitch House. The host was a man who appeared to have been a werewolf college student dragged off some Florida beach during spring break, poured into a suit, and shoved in front of a camera. He wore giant sunglasses every episode. There was no explanation.
Every episode was the same. He would show up and tour somebody's house while they talked it up: how much they paid for it, square footage, time to the highway, backyard, last renovated in xxxx, bedrooms, bathrooms, home office, new roof, everything. They would be touring the house the whole time, just like any normal HGTV show.
Then they would gather back out in front of the house and there was a really tense moment where he would tell you if your house was a bitch house or not. It not, he would just kinda shake their hands and thank them for the tour and walk away.
Otherwise, he would turn to the camera and scream "BITCH HOOOOOOOOUSE" at the top of his lungs and make all kinds of crazy faces. Music would cut in and they'd start swinging the cameras all around and cutting to random clips from earlier in the episode as if they explained why the house was a Bitch House. (They didn't).
And this was devastating for the families. Upper middle class stay at home wives would cry on national TV. High powered business executives would try to fight the host and have to be restrained. The value of those specific houses would plummet overnight, never to recover.
It was a hit.
And the criteria for what made a house a Bitch House were never revealed. During marathons of the show you would inevitably get into screaming matches with your friends about whether this house was or was not a Bitch House, only to be proven right or wrong 7 minutes later.
Bitch House ruined lives. It was considered the most successful, most divisive, and most destructive show to the American psyche ever to air on basic cable. It ran for 4 seasons and was quietly put on permanent hiatus.
And then I woke up.
