AriaXoria

Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter Here

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Horny bat. Smells bad. You know me if you recognize the name.


I recently just moved from St. Louis, Missouri to Massachusetts, and that was an adventure and a half.

First and foremost, I went with my brother, original plan was to drive my car while he drove the U-Haul. So after getting some breakfast and saying a little prayer to ensure our safe arrival to the east coast, we went off.

I got the brakes on my car done before the journey out and they fucked up in some weird ass town in Illinois where everything was really big. We had to rent a U-Haul trailer from two old grannies running an antique store, and then we were back on our way.

I stopped in Pittsburgh to see my girlfriend and smooch on her and feed her pizza and then promptly passed out in her bed where she then crushed me to death with her ass against the wall until I died. The end.

We drove through the Appalachian mountains and was just marveling at the majesty of those fuckers. Most verticality I had ever seen while driving anywhere. Missouri's known for rivers, not mountains. Apparently there is a place in Pennsylvania called Sheetz? Like a gas station except you can get good sandwiches there? Best sandwich I ever got from a gas station. I'd like to formally apologize to anyone I ever may have shit talk Sheetz to on the basis of it being a gas station.

ANYWAYS. Eventually we made it to New York, and stopped to take a wicked dump at a truck stop when I noticed that uhhhh one of the tail lights fell off the trailer. It was there before, but it wasn't anymore. It was, after all, held on with a zip tie when I picked up the trailer. I figured if it was good enough for uhaul, it was good enough for us.

Did I also mention that my brother was driving the uhaul? But he legally was not supposed to, and also didn't have a valid license. So we got our asses back on the road to make it to Massachusetts with day light to burn, because we both would have been in BIG BIG trouble if we got caught by the Police or the Uhaul Police.

We did not make it to Massachusetts with daylight to burn, and ended up getting tailed by a Massachusetts state trooper... Who did nothing, and just kept on going. My brother and I swore we just saw the grim reaper when THAT happened.

Guess that prayer my brother said before we left Missouri paid off.


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