[Image From Ayaka is in Love with Hiroko!]
Today is Day Of Visibility for Non-monogamy, I am polyamarous, I've written about it a few times in recent days so feel free to ya know search Polyam on my blog and you'll see plenty of writing if you want more but today is gonna be completely personal chat. So strap in for my asexual lesbian polyamarous life.
I personally attempt to be as non hierarchical as possible, I am engaged [and have been] to my Fiancé whom i've dated since I was in Freshmen year of high school so obviously we have tons of history and in these 15 years of love i've never felt like I needed monogamy in my relationship with them. I've dated a set of long distance partners for around 8 years now and I love all of those women and wouldn't replace them for the world, we spend hours and hours every single day talking. I had a recent ex girlfriend whom I almost dated for 2 years before our break up and I have a non traditional subby dommy kinda thing going on with a really sweet girl that's been going on for over a year now.
My Fiancé has been dating another amazing girl who I think is amazing [as a friend] for like 5 years now and she has a boyfriend who is married to another woman but he lives with her. My Girlfriend has been dating another girl who is like one of my best friends ever for a lot of years now too. I have a pretty good relationship with the whole polycule and I am really happy to be able to not just have all this love but to have all this love for my partners. It's super fun to see my partners date and fall in love and explore themselves in new ways, it's fantastic.
I would say my approach is mostly a relationship anarchist style in that I let relationships be what they are as opposed to feeling like a strict line from what interactions with people of particular titles can be. That said when we decide on a title I do take them very seriously and want to respect when a relationship has elevated into something clearly romantic between me and those other people. I love, love but I also understand that I only have so many hours in the day and I want to make sure I am treating everyone well.
Non-Monogamy can be a little bit of work but relationships can be too. At first I was really bad at polyamory, I thought you had to be in a relationship with everyone dating everyone and tried to like force that kind of dynamic which neither of my partners appreciated and they sat me down to clear it up with me that they weren't interested in each other romantically. I also worked to stop comparing people to each other. It had always been that different partners had given had given me different things in my life.
Two years ago I was really sick, like constantly in and out of the hospital sick. During that time I only grew to appreciate my polycule even more. Having my loved ones all in a group chat giving each other updates, having people be awake at different hours so I couldn't be alone and depressed and feeling horrible. I felt so lucky to have so much love and to be showered in that affection all of them trying their best to help take care of me. Honestly, I don't know if my mental health could have been as okay as it was in such a terrible state with that constant affection from everyone.
I hope we can live in a world that becomes more accepting of non monogamy and that we have more rights. My partners matter so deeply to me and I couldn't chose between them. Like a body needs a bunch of different vitamins I need a lot of different love to stay healthy. This is who I am, this is who my heart is, this is me. To every other non monogamous person out there, your not alone, your seen, your loved and we have each other if we don't have anything else.