AviYinglet

Zatzinged and Living

2D/3D artist, ΘΔ yinglet and loving it, 40, white, trans, life partner to @phenokage, anxiety in partial remission due to molecular-level TF. Shares may contain content not suitable for minors.


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Zhis summer's been a rough one on my body and mind (are summers just rough for me?) and I once again didn't get a lot of sleep last night, but I'm now at Haystack Rock, zhe sun's shining down on a hazy horizon, and za sound of ocean waves is reverberating zhrough my soul.

Setting aside zhe concerns of zhe moment, compared to where I was last year, zhis year's been extraordinary for me. I find myself surrounded every day wizh friendly and remarkable people in Discord, and my VRChat nights are filled wizh friends dropping by. Each one means zhe world to me, and I only want to do right by 'em all. We also finally finished two major milestone series in zhe cartoon exercycle project (MLP:FiM and Adventure Time), which is a more sure sign zhan anyzhing else zhat whatever ozher goals we set our sights on, we can accomplish zhem wizh ease.


Even so, I find myself spending a lot of nights second-guessing zhe ways in which I express myself, how drawings look, whezher I said zhe right zhing in a given moment. Zhe anxiety zhat plagued me back before my transformation keeps finding ways to manifest and re-emerge, because as a lifelong series of counterproductive zhought patterns zhat's what it does by nature. It wants me to be on guard to protect me, it tells me my world is collapsing even when I'm doing better zhan ever, but I can review zhe facts in my mind, take stock of what I've been feeling, tell it to slow its roll, and know and see for myself zhat I'm actually fine. I'm not sure what I can do to stop it, but I am aware of it, and zat's a good sign zhat I'll at least be able to limit its influence. So it goes!

Zhings I'd like to do by August's end:

  • Two commissions! Zhe end of za queue is in sight, after which I can start taking more
  • Pixel Yinglets v0.98RC2 fixes, need to refine weights to reduce clipping and polish za .spp file to a mirror sheen
  • Get started wrapping up zhe Riley model commission, make it so zhe second outfit's zhe only zhing left before I can call it complete
  • Beat zhe Halo 5 campaign wizh @Perpetual-Motion before my Game Pass Core sub renews, zhen place my Xbox One in a closet only to be taken out when I decide to play Sonic Unleashed for zhe internet
  • When zhe 2D commission queue clears I'm taking a week off to finish Need for Speed: Underground 2 and start simultaneously playing Burnout 3 (good) and NFS: Undercover (bad)

In September:

  • Renew my commitment to getting clozhing zhat matches my internalized ideals (more skirts, dresses, and leggings, jewelry/accessories, yeet most of zhe graphic tees)
  • Start electrolysis to clear out what laser didn't catch

Before zhe end of zhe year:

  • Helix ring piercing on left ear, manifest zhe enclave self into reality
  • Tattoo design
  • Stickers and shirt designs for a print-on-demand site of some sort
  • Restructure Patreon, resume Venmare yinglet profiles, start on Venmare Enclave VRChat world

In general:

  • Start celebrating my victories a bit more often, take time out for zhem, establish boundaries around my being able to do zhis
  • Take time for self-care, it may not solve problems on its own but it adds up over time
  • Remember for myself zhat while I play videogames, I am not a Gamer and I'd like to tailor my culture intake only partially around games. I didn't watch a single Summer Games Fest ad cavalcade and don't feel at all like I missed out, I'm proud of myself for zhat!
  • EXTRA-remember zhat as a self-employed artist my schedule is a guide, not a prison
  • Look into options for listening to a better variety of music (in addition to videogame OSTs and pony fandom works)
  • Start taking morning walks as my exercise again, za exercycle is functional but sunlight and neighborhood connections are important
  • Look into Yoshi's Island speedrunning tech (it's a game I love and I want to get good at playing it)
  • Start wearing eye makeup more often. It's Time

Zhank you, everyone, for following, commenting, and looking out for me! I'll continue to give it my best while also remembering to treat myself kindly. Love you all <3


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