A pulpy, tits out vampire period piece. Very low budget in the sense that the outfits look like they came from a 70s prom dress consignment store. Was hoping for some fun monstrously queer erotica but this is lesbian vampires by and for straight men, complete with naked slumber parties and zero actual sex.
An ambiguously German vampire countess travels around England (?) hooking up with daughters of the aristocracy while men shake their heads in jealousy. There's almost something here about heteronormative power dynamics, but that would require the movie to actually engage with queerness when really it just thinks it's hot and shocking when girls kiss. Feel bad that I assumed the accents were fake the whole way through, embarrassing for all involved.
Gets a whole star for the accordion record scratch when someone finally says vampire.
Content warnings: decapitation, blood