What if C-3PO was your DM? He's always commenting on events snarkily, spouts the odds of critical events before they happen, we know he tells a great story to Ewoks...
What if, when you were DMing, you were C-3PO? Instead of doing a hundred voices and maintaining some level of neutrality, you did one, and you were horrified at all the adventure your players were insisting on having? Wouldn't that be fun?
So, I cooked up a super short zine TTRPG to explore that. It's called NEVER TELL ME THE ODDS. One player is the DM (Droid Moderator), played in character in universe as a protocol droid. The other players can be here on Earth, out in a galaxy far far away-- this could be a game your own PCs play in between sessions of your other Star Wars RPGs, honestly.
So grab your Corellian chance cubes, mark down your skills and abilities, and get ready to tell that shell-headed sonuvabitch that's insisting your attempt to slice into the Imperial mainframe has a liklihood of success of 7350:1...
NEVER TELL ME THE ODDS
As a protocol droid, you do not like excitement. You do not want excitement. You do not want to lead your players into danger, death, or ruin. Instead, you want to teach them fascinating cultural facts about the galaxy. So you start your adventure, say, in the Rodian Hunter's court:
DM: "We begin our adventure in the Rodian Hunter's Court! It is a lovely, temperate day on Rodia, the twin moons high in the sky, indicating that it is almost time for the lively Roopha fruit harvest. The court is a large, open air court, surrounded by fossilized columns draped with red sashes and small blue bells, which jangle in the wind. It is lightly peopled with Rodian hunters and a few Imperial officers on leave, and you can see the Huntsmaster sitting atop his throne, watching the beguiling dance of Swift Sisters as you enter. "
Players: "Imps? Here? We pull out our blasters!"
DM: "Oh no, I shouldn't think you should do that. Blasters are forbidden in the Hunter's Court, because they might damage the priceless statue of Kuudo the Hunter, which, er, is coincidentally standing directly over the Imperial officers."
Players: "Great idea, D-20. We take aim at the ankles of Kuudo and fire!"
DM: "BUT SIR! Not only will that cause a political scandal, the odds of successfully knocking the statue over are 6 to 1!"
Players: "We'll take those odds!"
And so on. The more you can scandalize your DM with your wanton acts of destruction and heroism, the better. That's the real game here. I need to write that down!
