luna the deer

Aries: A vinaigrette of sprite and extra virgin olive oil. Fridge horror revelations about the cabbage in your crisper drawer. Seven hangnails. Love, at last.

Taurus: Musty oak. Vulva cream to detoxify and rejuvenate. Lavender. Ascorbic acid. Your tailbone talks back and your shoulder blades will listen. Flint meets fire.

Gemini: Being born in June made you good at managing spreadsheets. Dire frogs are worth 15% EXP this week and she more likely to drop pickled eyeballs. Embrace being pickled.

Cancer: Depression is just a flavor on a can of ice cream soup. Draw ten different shapes and hear ten different patterns of sound as the pencil scratches paper. Xenograph.

Leo: Volleyball was invented in Holyoke, Massachusetts. The new movie "Influencer" is now streaming on Shudder. Zest of two large grapefruits. Completely still.

Virgo: Being born in September made you good at designing elaborate chore charts. Make a new chore chart for your interactive digital pets. Tamagotchi are manufactured in a factory.

Libra: Natto on rice with a fresh raw egg. Don't forget the little mustard packet this week. Vitamin K is helpful for navigating tough conversations with coworkers. Zoinks.

Scorpio: Your ex is going to masturbate while thinking about you this week but only if you're willing to allow those vibrations into the universe you choose to inhabit. CBD infused maple honey stick.

Sagittarius: Give up on laundry and instead invent a new sauce for a new shape of pasta. It takes less time than you think for everything to work out in the end. Spaghetti on rice.

Capricorn: Smoky cedar. Moldy shared snorkels from the summer camp supply closet. Toasted marshmallow would be a good name for a cat you could call it Toastie for short. Toastie the Cat.

Aquarius: Being born in January made you good at carrying jugs of water to the ocean. Sea breeze. Low tide. Fiddler crab dens make little holes in the surface of the sand. Leave them be.

Pisces: 🐟🐟 haha two of them

LOOK AT MY FUCKING GIRLFRIEND LOOK AT HER GOD DAMMIT YOU WILL ALL BEHOLD HER

hi cohost!

I feel like I want to write longer-form posts, because I like getting my thoughts out to people. If you follow me on the birdapp, you probably know I just normally keep to shorter thoughts and a lot of retweets.

If you don't know me, i'm not gonna bore you with detail (you can read my pinned if you want!) but I feel it's important to note that I am not the original member of our system (that's @xweetok).

As such, it's interesting thinking about how I've changed over the years (for the better I think). I remember back to the me of like, 2018, and I think, "man, that girl would beat the shit out of me." I say like 2018, but I really think things didn't change until like 2021.

I think the big thing is just how I perceived life and how I looked at my role in the system. One of the big things I'd say is that I had this idea that I was supposed to be the enforcer or protector. I've always had a high temper, so it made sense - when things went south I am the one who starts yelling at people or starts getting angry, Just the way things were dealing with a lot of trauma (our system is trauma based) through the years, that makes sense, right? I've never been the sensitive one, so getting mad and being kind of an enforcer worked for me.

But, it didn't work for me. I've struggled since inception trying to find my own voice. This came to a head in 2021 where I ruined a friendship with my other half's best friend because I got angry at something I shouldn't have been angry about. That friend was right to no longer speak to me, but it's not something I try to sweat. I did my best to try and take it as a real opportunity to do something for myself - reflect. It took that for me to look at myself and say, "man, I really don't like who I am. This isn't who I want to be."

And I'm sooo happy I did that! I feel like over the past 2 years I've become a completely different panda, I feel. The biggest change was finding something I can actually be passionate about! I found out that I needed a hobby that wasn't system specific, and after trying some things I found that I love love love working with electronics!!! I built my first PC this year, and now I'm wanting to do more. I've even thought about trying to start repairing old electronics. I even have taken the reigns in our new classes as we're now going to move from HR to Cyber Security - something I've found to really love! I feel like I've now found something I want to do as a career - not something I fell upwards in.

I'm already too long, so I won't even go into the physical changes that's been done - such as moving in with our partner in another state. But, I'm so happy that with who I've become. For the first time in my life, I feel like I actually like who I am. I have an identity, and I have likes and dislikes! I just need to find more friends and do more things, but that will come in time I know.

The last part I want to say is the thing I'm happiest about - even though I felt like "angry" was my main trait for the longest time, I don't think I've been genuinely angry in so long. I've been incredibly happy lately just getting to live life with @xweetok, and I am genuinely excited for the future.

I do want to say for any system member out there that's struggling to find an identity or if you don't feel comfortable with who you are: don't ever give up! Change is a continuous thing. I'm scared that I'm coming off in this post as "i'm good and done, I'm happy," which I DON'T want to do! I'm still trying to be less shy and make friends and be more active (hence this post in the first place!) But, you can do it! Take time to self reflect and meditate, communicate with your system-mates, and try new things! If something gives you an inkling of interest - go for it! Reach out to other systems and get ideas! And be yourself - even if you don't know who that is yet!