INT. HELL
ME
Aagh. Oogh. Eeewgh. Oof. Ugh. The agonies. Aaargh.
AN ANGEL
(descending from heaven in a beam of light)
Hark, mortal! I bring glad tidings. Members of the Church of Latter-Day Saints have performed a proxy baptism for you, so that you may be admitted into the Kingdom of Heaven. Take my hand, and I shall fly thee to the side of the Lord's Throne.
ME
Aagh. No thanks. Oogh. Ugh. Oof. I'm good.
AN ANGEL
You're... good?
ME
Ewgh. Ow. Ouch. Yeah, like. Oweee. I wouldn't want to be a, a, (hurk) bother.
AN ANGEL
Mortal, you are free to reject salvation, if that is thine wish, but the Gates of Heaven are open to thee, you need but–
ME
Urgh. Owie. No seriously like don't, uh, don't worry about me. Oof. I'm fine, really. Wouldn't want to impose.
(SCENE CARRIES ON LIKE THIS UNTIL AUDIENCE STARTS WALKING OUT)
