Me, in a steady tone and tempo which sounds like I know where the missile is, or am updating listeners on the opening times of a Dog Park: "Do not be concerned if you hear a Sound. The Sound will be very loud. Following the Sound you may hear the shattering of porcelain, or see water flowing freely from under the door. The Sound is not itself an indication of distress; further, less iconic sounds will follow in the event of possible physical disaster."
Mrs Fox: "...did you just tell me you're going to the bathroom?"
Me, smiling pleasantly: "I'm going to use one of those fizzy tablets and scrub the thing."
Mrs Fox, tired: "why the fuck are you like this"
