Lily!

because the creator's friends hate me and they peer pressured her into taking them down or they'd stop being friends

yeah this is all very normal i totally don't fucking hate it here. can't even have my stuff up on a website barely anyone uses without getting indirectly harassed.

^{1. actually, i meant the individual stems of my songs; it's a website for uploading stems. but that doesn't sound as good and not everyone knows what those are and this is basically the same thing}

so, that stem uploading service is stemmy by annie/annieversary. if i'm gonna go ahead and show my conversations with her, i guess there's no point in trying to anonymize this. i don't think anyone on here uses stemmy, but still.

imagine if you uploaded some useful files onto a public Google Drive, and then you find out that John Google personally made those files inaccessible because he doesn't like you/his friends don't like you. that'd be fucking ridiculous, right? and then you talk to John Google and he gives you this weird talk about "both sides" and "impartiality" and "keeping drama out". that'd be fucking ridiculous, right? right? right?

nov. 1

so, one of my fans wanted to remix one of my songs. i had stems of this song up on stemmy, so as always, i just told them to head on over to stemmy so they could download them. but they couldn't find them, for some reason.

i logged into my account, and i found that all of them were set to private. i made them public again, but i thought that was weird? i don't remember setting them to private? i've been telling my fans they can grab stems from stemmy as long as i've used the platform, why would i have made them private?

i decide to ask annie about it, since we're somewhat friends (or so i thought), and that results in the following conversation.

so it turns out that she made them private. i wasn't told about this at any point. she did apologize for not telling me, but that means that all this time, my fans couldn't access the stems i had on there without me even knowing. what the fuck!?

and she specifically made them private because "people were giving [her] shit". so, like, fun, i guess it's that time again, huh.

i figured that this was still a position we could find a resolution through, so i told her i'd be setting them to public again myself.

then i receive this message.

and i think it's very important to elaborate on it, because i think it's extremely telling. it's telling in the fact that the transmisogyny i receive here isn't casual or mis-informed; it's deliberately socially engineered. some times, people's motives are unclear, or they are acting in bad faith by pretending they are only violent in order to "hold bad people accountable". other times, people say the quiet part out loud: "my friends would make me lose all my social status if i did the right thing and defended you"

this has nothing to do with holding people accountable. it's bullying. it's literally just bullying. if bullies can't be strong on their own merits, they have to resort to targeting specific people and deeming them as weak to make themselves look stronger. it doesn't matter whether they are actually weak or not, as long as they can make up bullshit that makes them look weak, so they can keep their manufactured distance from them intact. if anyone even dares to cut through this manufactured distance to showcase how bullshit and made up it is, they become useless to furthering the goals of the ingroup, so they get put in the same box as the victim.

i used to be in scouts as a kid, and i would get relentlessly bullied by all the older, neurotypical kids in the group. i once made a friend there whose name was rik. he was a bit fat and he had some issues with his speech that made him talk a bit weird. now the rest of the group didn't really like him to begin with because of that, but he only started getting bullied very heavily once he became friends with me.

so i tell annie i think this is really unhealthy. in response, i only receive a single text emote.

a moment later, she tells me she has no idea why people are so mad. so i explain everything in detail again, and how people have been harassing me over this for ages now.

in response, i only receive a single text emote.

^{(okay, i know said i wouldn't even be mad, but i guess that was wrong. i am in fact quite mad)}

nov. 8

i decide to contact annie again because i want to get this issue resolved. i've never had anything against her, i've always supported the stuff she makes, including a lot of personal support for stemmy; i've used it as my main stem uploading service since there's not really any other platforms like it, and i've always asked other artists to go check it out or to go grab my stems from there.

and like. it's literally just a file uploading service. a file uploading service that is engineered towards stems and project files, which makes it very useful, but it's still just a file uploading service. how does barring a user from using it protect anyone? is anyone really going to be better off because ida deerz stems aren't available on there?

eh. i don't really know what to say. i'll let the message speak for itself. because it says all that i want to say: there are groups of people who engage in structural harassment against me, and they will use anyone who is connected to me as a proxy for their harassment. it's gross. i can't trust anyone because i have no easy way of telling if they're being misused like this by these people too. nowadays i barely work together with other artists or reach out to them because unless they very vocally tell me they've got my back, i just don't trust them at all.

what does stand out to me though, is her willingness to both-sidesify the whole issue. she's mostly acted this way towards me under the guise of wanting to prevent drama, of being impartial, while actually causing a lot of drama in the process?

"i want to keep stemmy out of any potential drama", "i don't want stemmy to become a battlefield", "it's just pure hatred from both sides"

but by treating me this way, she's already turning stemmy into a battlefield? she's already letting one side make a move against me, despite really wanting me to believe that she "doesn't want drama".

there is no "pure hatred" from "both sides". one side is repeatedly trying to harass me and pedojacket me and spread lies about me. the other side (that's me) is just trying to dispel all of this bullshit. i've never once spread the same type of lies about any of these people doing this to me. i could totally call dynastic a pedophile on twitter for no reason. but i don't! because i don't want to stoop that low! it is fucking insane to suggest that there are two equal sides to this issue.

and it's sickening to me that she knows her friends would do this. she knows her friends are violent assholes! she knows! and she knows how quickly they would do the same things against her. she's very clearly aware of it. i used to have friends like those, too! before they all turned on me! and i found out my friendships with them were all extremely superficial, because they were fine with ending them at the drop of a hat. my friendships with them were all extremely superficial because we could never fully trust eachother because of this. i feel awful for annie that her friend group is like this. i feel awful that she doesn't want to address this behavior and just rolls with it. it's really bad?? but i've already been treated like shit by her, and now i feel BAD for her too??? man. i hate how i am being made to care so much.

dude, if i found out one of my friends was trying to use me in their attempts to socially murder a trans woman, i wouldn't be fucking friends with them, no matter how nice they were being to me. because, unlike you, i have actual fucking principles.

i fucking hate centrists so much and i hope they fuck off

i hate centrists. i hate centrists, because they will always concede to bullshit like this. the kind of people who will take someone saying "i want all trans people to live safely" and someone saying "i want all trans people to die" and go "hey, no drama, we have to respect both sides".

what i hate even MORE are people who position themselves as leftists/anarchists/transfeminists, who incorporate rhetoric like that in most of their daily life, but then they also apply this exact line of centrist thinking elsewhere in their life. what does being a leftist transfeminist even fucking mean if you're going to let transmisogynists and transphobes encroach on that in the name of "both sides"?

and you know what? from what i remember, annie is (or at least, used to be) one of maia arson crimew's girlfriends. they inhabit the same spaces, they've got the same friends, they're both members of GOOP HOUSE, one of the many hyperpop communities that has directly served to spread slander about me. if anyone would ever want to know why i really don't fucking like maia, it's because of this, it's because despite all the incredible work it does as a hacker and positioning itself as a transfeminist hacktivist, it still hangs out with the kinda people who openly want to harm trans people they don't like; and the only reason they're not harming maia too despite being opposed to most of its personal values (it's a radical inclusionist bi lesbian therian for f**ks sake, and GOOP HOUSE is ran by a massive queer exclusionist and several people who have participated in ostracizing me for being The Wrong Kind Of Queer™), is because maia is popular and they can farm clout off of it hanging out with them and promoting them. shame on you. shame on all of these fucking losers, actually.

anyways don't use stemmy because annie will just remove your shit if anyone she knows thinks you're too Weird™, kthxbye