- The answer to the first question is boring but somethings are just boring: to get better at giving massages, your partner should seek instruction on giving good massages. This video I just found has some good tips for beginners, but honestly if they're really committed they should seek out a day/weekend course where someone can give them instruction in person because a lot of the time just getting info from videos will miss out on certain relevant basics. One easy thing they could do is get some massage lotion and use that the next time they give you a backrub - not only will it reduce uncomfortable friction between their hands and your skin, but it'll ALSO make them FEEL more professional (I like lotion better than oil as it absorbs into the skin without irritating pores, and is easier to manage).
- Giving feedback is a skill in and of itself! Here's my advice: tell your partner to start with light pressure and slow strokes (you can give a perfectly good, satisfying massage without ever causing pain, trust me on this). After they've spent a couple minutes warming up the area with light pressure, they can slowly start to increase their pressure, still using slow, rhythmic strokes. For your part, you can give them feedback/reassurance, letting them know that you're comfortable. You could both also stand (like most people could) to "bone" up on your knowledge of the musculoskeletal anatomy of the back and shoulders - I promise it isn't that hard! There's technically a lot of INDIVIDUAL muscles but in terms of ones that're super relevant to massage we're only talking about: trapezius, lev scap, rhomboids, the erector spinae group, delts, lats, teres group, infraspinatus, multifidus, QL, glutes, and the splenius muscles. Learn those, how the scapula works, the basic layout of the spine and ribcage, and congrats, you've got a good working knowledge of the massage-able contours of the human back!
