Students complained about me and I finally had to explain that I'd been dissociating since I got disowned on October 1st all the way through Nov 20th and don't really remember anything contained within their complaints (specifically their complaints about office hour, which basically no students have attended this term). I also had to explain that "The Witch" is what I have named the state I go into when a lot of work (writing exams, grading, writing new labs, etc) gets done in an impossibly short amount of time and I don't remember doing it.its like magic. Who does magic? Why, The Witch, of course. It's similar to how I can sometimes play music I don't remember practicing, and I refer to it as "the soul of the mariachi taking over". She is concerned about me apparently. I hope I don't say something I will regret during our meeting.
she just genuinely wanted to make sure I was doing okay and that I was getting the support I needed and that I was getting help if needed.
The last few months have been wild. My emotions are a rollercoaster ride where some days I'm fine and other days I feel like I'm on the edge of breaking down. I prepared to be disowned for like 20 years of my life. I thought I would be ready for this, but the reality is that my brain has been shattered and is doing everything it can to fill in the broken parts and keep things moving.
my diet has been bad, my sleep has been bad, my memory has been bad, I keep getting injured without realizing it. I feel like I'm on the edge of crying nearly every day. I imagine that if I can just push through the holiday blues, I'll be okay.