Hello, hello, etc. bloop

I was added to cohost dot org a little over a week ago, but I didn't post because I started working on an avatar when I first joined months ago, and I expected to be done it by now, and I felt a little naked posting without an avatar so I just didn't aaa.

Using a """temporary""" avatar might make me never finish the original one, so I guess that I'll just make my welcome post "naked". It seemed like good practice for battling my crippling perfectionism that prevents me from doing anything unless it's perfect... which is something that I'd rather be more chill about so that I can actually start MAKING things.

Oh and here:

↑↑↑↑↑ I guess here's a neat deltarune-esque pixel art oc thingy that I made since I've been weirdly into spinny things lately???? ↑↑↑↑↑
(but like, don't expect me to make any more pixel art like this aa)
(I'm capricious and jump between too many things)
(ni la mi ken toki pona. sina wile la, o toki pona tawa mi a!)

So, perfectionism

Idk, like, I'm already resisting the urge to avoid slang abbreviations, capitalize proper nouns, and end every sentence with some sort of punctuation (in contrast to when i used to compulsively write as "immaculately" as i can, even so far as ending all my messages with periods in flippin' runescape).

But my cohost activation times nicely a month before Inktober starts, which gives me time to prepare. Like, I'm not like super-duper good at casually drawing, as much as I wish I were, since I just don't have the mileage of actually drawing every once in a while. And part of that is because I just don't know how to draw for pleasure without fussing over every detail such that just considering drawing now forms this nerve-racking barrier that makes me hesitant to draw, lest I fall into a commitment far greater than I intend.

I'll [hopefully] make a separate post eventually, but I'd like to do an Inktober where I intentionally make crappy doodles/drawings just to hopefully overcome being afraid to draw??? And posting on cohost would provide the accountability to hopefully make me actually commit aa.

I was thinking of a tag like #craptober, though I thought to search this tag on twitter and was unsurprisingly put face-to-face with some pretty beautiful art.

But as a strictly cohost challenge-thingy, it would just be an event where I (and maybe anyone elsee) would just post crappy art every day following the Inktober prompts, purely not to develop skill in drawing, but to hopefully overcome whatever paralysis is holding me/us back from drawing.

And maybe starting my cohost profile with content that I barely put any effort in would be another way of convincing me to do whatever with this profile with little pressure. In fact, just to already "blemish" my profile with art that I didn't spend hours on, here's a crappy tripod wolf-headed eldritch creature that I hastily drew to explain how I initially saw the Winter wolf tokens in D&D:

I'll probably let my profile evolve over time as I chost more. But for now, the theme would be on perfectionism since any less than this would likely entail me never posting ever. So we'll see whether this theme will work and whether I'll actually start chosting more than this once aaaaaa

and my lack of concision in my welcome post almost certainly is a symptom of some sort of perfectionism in trying to get every detail out there no matter how much i try to resist, or something, so this is just a sign that i still have a significant amount of work to do aaaaaaaaaaaa
and you BET that I spent like two hours trying to perfect the imperfections in my welcome chost, so some of my efforts might actually be counterproductive — a fine line to walk aaa bloop
also awaiting the day when i cringe so hard at my insufferable number of "bloop"s like some sort of flippin' animal crossing character that i consider shedding this @Bonbon identity altogether, blooppp