For some reason I keep thinking about the time - pre transition, pre knowing I was trans - I was negotiating a four-way that involved the boyfriend of one of the other members that basically fell apart because when I told him it takes me a long time to get confortable around men, he said I should push my boundaries.
And like, at the time, feeling all this confusion surrounding my identity, what he said felt right because yeah I am definitely some kind of queer, maybe it's some kind of internalized homophobia that makes me uncomfortable being vulnerable with men. I thought it was probably just because my mom raised me and all my friends have always been mostly women or something and kind of took him at his word and let myself feel wrong.
I'm just glad it feels so right to be a lesbian. I used to feel all these weird, negative feelings around lesbianism and now I know what they were. Feeling secure in myself and what I want has made such a huge difference in not only how I treat others, it also protects me from men. And I have always dated lesbians. I have no idea why this took me so long to figure out.