one of the things I enjoy most about Battletech compared to a lot of other mecha properties is the sheer volume of Objectively Bad Idea mechs. 99% of the time with a mecha franchise even the grunt-tier stuff is, like, a Merchandise Idea you are Selling to a Potential Consumer who will think it is Extremely Cool. even the humble Zaku was meant to be something that is cool in a kind of man-in-the-trenches way, designed sensibly by sober engineers, and deployed with a sense of dignity and grim pathos.
but then Battletech is just like 'yeah, so, this mech actually probably shouldn't exist. it was produced as part of a defense spending glut during a major political decline basically as a pork barrel project. pilots hate it because it's got a faulty ejection system where the canopy doesn't always fully disengage, the torso twist uses substandard motors so it only gets 45 degrees to either side, and honestly it's underarmed for its class and what it does have is trying to do too many jobs at once. there's still like 14,000 of them in circulation though because nobody ever blew up their factories due to nobody really wanting them. anyway you can have one for 2.9 million space bucks. maybe it's cheaper to replace this than to replace pilots'
I love all this and also that what's usually the more effective mechs is the less glamorous ones like trebuchets and blackjacks or even kind of embarrassing designs like the urbanmech.
urbanmechs are great, they're the cheapest thing you can put an AC20 or Arrow IV on, they're low profile, most models have jumpjets, they have good armour, etc
however urbanmechs are terrible, they have good armour for a light mech, they're as slow as the clunkiest assault mech, they have no tech advantages whatsoever, and they look like that
Regular Car Reviews but it's Battletech mechs
2572 Nissan Hunchback. "We're Nissan in the 500s! GO DIE."
THE ENGINE. THE SKOBEL LTV 160 FUSION. NOT a truck engine. Yes. Yes, it became a truck engine, or inspired the Michaelson LTV160, yes. But this is not a truck engine. You ever see a show that's "based on the real exploits of the First Somerset Strikers?" That means it's a different story. This is a completely different engine than the one that wound up in the truck.
"Lies! It has the biggest engine! It should be number one! It's faster than the eye-ess mechs! It should be number one! My Khan is the best Khan! It has ten heat sinks! BIG DICK KERENSKY ALWAYS WINS! Not fair!"
Everybody needs their own ilKhan, but at some point he's getting headshotted, and how you deal with that is a measure of your maturity.
I keep saying I was scared of this machine because I was. A Mitchell Mercury 105 feels like it has MASC but it doesn't. THAT'S the sensation. It keeps accelerating, and it keeps accelerating!
FUCK YOU STRANA MECHTY! IF YOU'RE DUMB ENOUGH TO BUY A NEW MECH THIS WEEKEND, YOU'RE A BIG ENOUGH SOLAHMA TO COME TO BIG FOCHT HELL'S MECHS! BAD DEALS! MECHS THAT STACKPOLE! COMGUARDS! IF YOU THINK YOU'RE GONNA FIND A BARGAIN AT BIG FOCHT'S, YOU CAN KISS MY ASS! IT'S OUR BELIEF YOU'RE SUCH A STUPID STRAVAG DEZGRA YOU'LL FALL FOR THIS BULLSHIT! GUARANTEED! IF YOU FIND A BRIAN CACHE, SHOVE IT UP YOUR UGLY ASS! YOU HEARD US RIGHT: SHOVE IT UP YOUR UGLY ASS! BRING YOUR TOUMAN, BRING YOUR CODEX, BRING YOUR KHAN! WE'LL FUCK HER! THAT'S RIGHT! WE'LL FUCK YOUR KHAN! BECAUSE AT BIG FOCHT HELL, YOU'RE FUCKED SIX WAYS FROM SUNDAY! TAKE A HIKE! TO BIG FOCHT HELL! HOME OF TRIAL OF PISSING!
THAT'S RIGHT! TRIAL OF PISSING- HOW DOES IT WORK?
IF YOU CAN PISS ON A RAC/20'S EXPOSED WEAPON LINKAGE LONGER THAN 10 SECONDS AND NOT TRIGGER AN AMMUNITION EXPLOSION, YOU'LL RECEIVE THE NEXT ISORLA.
DON'T WAIT, DON'T DELAY, DON'T FUCK WITH US OR WE'LL FLUSH YOUR GIFTAKE! ONLY AT BIG FOCHT HELL'S, THE ONLY DEALER THAT TELLS YOU TO FUCK OFF!
HURRY UP, FREEBIRTH!
THIS OFFER ENDS THE MINUTE YOU BARGAIN THIS BATCHALL AND YOU BETTER ADHERE TO SAFCON OR YOU'RE A DEAD MOTHERFUCKER!
GO TO HELL.
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