Me: Life doesn't have to be like this, by your cruel design! We deserve a path to choose for ourselves, and a kind of microwaveable scalloped potato meal that doesn't force me to choose between crispy edges and toppings clustered in the middle!
My childhood friend: He's right, you know! We deserve girlfriends that aren't stranded five timezones away and perpetually too sleepy to cuddle on voice-chat!
Our wise elder: You could learn a lot from these kids. It does my heart good knowing the future is in their hands, and that they'd instate the death penalty for Costco managers trying to raise the price of the hot dog.
The Mysterious Outer Being: Our time together has shown me that there is no shame in love; I do not deserve to be treated the way I am for the way I feel about the water jets in the jacuzzi.
The redeemed villain: We are flawed, and in this way, we are free; to make our own mistakes, and to grow, and to find a new Target we aren't banned from simply because biting the woman who took the sweater I was eyeballing first is considered 'illegal'.
God. rubbing his temples: Y'all are not making a good case against wiping your kind out and starting over