So yeah, after I came out, it suddenly got way more obvious just how rancid the local 40k scene was, and eventually I decided I was just completely fucking Done with the entire thing. I sold off all my minis before I could change my mind, and lemme tell you, I'd been collecting those fuckers for almost a decade at that point. So I wound up with a stupid wad of cash, and decided to go get absolutely schwasted, end of an era and all that. The rest of that night is a little hazy, but I remember this weird shop on the way home from the third bar, and this old guy who kept saying "The discount of a lifetime!" in a really goofy voice? Maybe it was supposed to sound sinister or something, but I was really drunk, and mostly it just made me laugh my ass off. Anyway, I guess all his stuff was pretty cheap, and my hoarder instincts were looking for something new to latch onto, and long story short, I woke up the next morning with none of my plastic crack money, and like a dozen huge bags of weird mystery tchotchkes filling up my room.
I tried to go back to the shop, to see if I could return it all and get my cash back, but I couldn't find the place at all? I'm still not sure if I just took a really weird route home that night, or if the store straight-up vanished. I started looking through all the stuff I was stuck with, and half of it turned out to be super obviously cursed. The other half was also magic, but less Evil and more Chaotic Useless.
Anyway, as I was poking around I realized that maybe with all of this junk together, I could combine things and play the weird magic effects off each other to actually do cool stuff! Like, there's these ballet shoes that make you keep dancing forever, but I've also got a camera flashbulb that makes all your clothes fly off, so now I can get the magic dance shoes off whenever I want; and then there's this cursed mirror that sucks you into the Mirror Dimension, but if you use a cursed mirror while you're already in the Mirror Dimension, it just spits you back out into the real world, and I've got like five of these things; and it turns out you can also just stash spare clothes and more weird magic shit in the Mirror Dimension, so ... you get the picture.
And then one night while I was dicking around with all this stuff, some demon lady calling herself Shadow Contessa Something-or-other showed up and told me to hand over the Gem of Inevitability. I told her she'd have to be more specific, there's at least 30 weird magic gems in my item stash, and also no, fuck off. She started shooting lasers, I used the Ugly Paintbrush to draw her into this Dorian-Gray-ass painting and then set it on fire so the real Contessa got all beat-up and scrunkled, she yelled that she'd be back and warped away or something.
I figure I could use some backup if there's gonna be more demons showing up, so now I'm trying to put together a Magical Guardian Sentai Whatever. You spend way more time reading creepypastas than anyone else I know, I bet you'd have a ton of ideas I'd never come up with for how to work all these cursed items. I hit up Juniper too, she's super excited to sew together outfits using bits of the weird haunted clothes and jewelry and stuff, she could totally make you a cool magic tuxedo or whatever you want. Oh, and if you have any actual team name ideas, you can go nuts, you know I suck at coming up with names. So, are you in?
