I'm very much a "the past is immutable and furthermore I don't want to change anything that doesn't lead to me being right where I am here and now" kind of gal. I'm not proud of who I was in the past but I would like to believe I have changed and I am so happy to have the people in my life right now that I do, and I can't imagine another path that leads me to the same place...
... but boy fucking howdy I really wish the alcoholism/drug abuse hadn't left such a huge fucking gap in my memory. There have been some reminders in the past day or two. I know generally where I was living, what college I was going to, and a few major events in my life, but there's 2-3 years that's a blur at best. There are close friends from that period who I can't remember the name or face of, whole chunks of what I learned in college gone, and a fucking billion other things. Occasionally some of it comes up out of those stygian depths, but it's rarely at a useful time, and it's just as often something extremely painful or shameful.