Me: can I get uuuuuhhhhhhhhhh a healthy amount of self-worth not tied to value but something intrinsic, never crossing into arrogance or vanity?
Drive thru dude: enlightenment machine broke
Me: what about a neutral feeling, going about my day with no concern for higher concepts but just taking life as it is for the moment?
Dude: we outta mindfulness of the present
Me: dang, what do you have?
Dude: Existential ennui.
Me: I don't know if I want that.
Dude: you don't know if you want anything.
Me: I'm not even sure if I know how to sort wants from needs. What gives me brief pleasure and what in the long term will give me stability and strength are equally nebulous.
Dude: everything feels fleeting, but you also lose bearings on the present and your mind feels minutes or even seconds as hours.
Me: I must work, struggle to survive, and the things that bring me joy can never sustain a living for myself or those who depend on me. Meaning flees from my actions.
Dude: nothing you do may ever amount to anything.
Me: it hasn't much so far.
Dude: yet you must continue on.
Me: death would be even more pointless than life. And so boring. Nothing would ever change, even superficially.
Dude: so it goes.
Me: [weakly] yeah.
Dude: Anything to drink?
Me: do you have diet pepsi?
Dude: we just got pepsi zero cherry.
Me: Oh, Right On! Make it an extra large!