I'm always jealous of people who had a passion since they were teenagers that they've carried with them throughout their lives. Whether that be drawing, painting, music, or even something like coding, woodworking, or a specific scholarly pursuit. I've always just had a passion to have a passion, I guess. Wandering aimlessly from one place to another, absorbing the most basic understanding of multiple things but having none of this mystical drive to dive deep that so many of you seem to have.
I fear my brain has been so fried by this recycling process that it's too late for me now. I'll be forever doomed to the sisyphean task of searching but never finding.
It's frustrating.
idk if this will help you, or anyone else who might read this, but i've had these thoughts a lot as well. recently tho, a weird thing has happened at work, where it turns out that having this kind of weird collection of interests means i make connections and can help people in ways my more focused colleagues cannot, and often if i don't know the answer directly i know where to go to look for it.
this always seems to impress my coworkers, which is funny, bc from my perspective, im bad at everything-- i'm usually learning from and surrounded by the aforementioned more passionate people than i am, who go deep into their studies, which makes me feel like the dilettante i am-- but from their perspective, i seem to have this bottomless well of knowledge (which of course, i try desperately to dispel).
its weird, and im not sure im happy with it yet, but it's helped me feel a little better about that aspect of myself. i knew that our society and economics practically requires specialization and siloing of interests, and have struggled against it politically, but i never really turned that same critical eye at my own feelings. we'll see how i feel in another decade, i guess, and whether i feel differently again.
FWIW you rarely "feel passionate" about the things you keep doing. passion is less visible on the inside, but there's probably something you've been tinkering with for years. Even if that thing is "being a generalist"/having a wider net.
just because it can't stereotypically be leveraged into visible "creative pursuits" or "productive work" doesn't mean it's not passion, and even games teach you things over that many years that end up being useful in life, in work, and in making things for the sake of it.
also struggling happens when you're constantly challenging yourself instead of just grinding on things practicing them for the sake of it. you can often alleviate it by doing that more-basic practice, but it's not bad on it's own if it isn't distressing. it means you're learning things faster than you otherwise would be, but if you don't see it as that kind of challenging it can be demoralizing.
especially if school or peers or parents held you to absurd standards, even if they don't feel absurd.
But! all that said, generalists are really hard to interview for jobs, but pretty much everywhere seems to need them. if you're good at picking up new things... it's an important skill that people are looking for, whether that's employment or community stuff or art collective or whatever.
