Calmaxys

Wanted by British Gas

  • he/him

20, compsci student, Polish expat in UK.


mya
@mya

after 8 long y- uh, days…

I’m finally activated!

I will probably post about fountain pens and fine writing, toki pona/linguistics, music (mostly hyperpop, gay homosexual music, bad rap), philosophy, some anime and manga (not much newer stuff except Frieren), and I will occasionally post pictures of my outfits, hair, cats, and other interests. My twitter is largely a bunch of unfunny jokes, phrases I repeat over and over, and the aforementioned interests.

I wrote an introduction post already of a list of a bunch of true things about me and a good few lies to spice things up, but my computer crashed before I could post it, and it was thus gone forever. I’m gonna do it again.


  • I am 19.
  • I have a spouse.
  • I am a trans girl.
  • I have a unique feminine stench of ISO-E-Super that must be smelled to believe.
  • I live in Louisiana, in a tiny town in a tiny home in the middle of nowhere.
  • I have hella ringworm.
  • I’m broke as shit.
  • I am 6’0”, 182lbs, 17%bf, white, green eyes, long brown hair, drive a black Honda CRV, work as a baker, I have a 102cm bust, 87cm waist, 103cm hips. My shoe size is a women’s 15. My head circumference is 60cm, and I’m about a 5/10. My social security number is 661-25-0452. My bank account routing number is 062400486. My hand size? It’s a secret.
  • The Gucci ring is fake. The Gucci glasses are real.
  • I have 4 cats, who love me very much.
  • I am currently going to college for chemistry, with an interest in pharmacology.
  • I’m a Yuuko kinnie, which is far better than what I was (Kankri kinnie).
  • I’m a furry (deer). I’m also a hunter (Remington .270) which is a little funny.
  • I count in seximal.
  • I tip artists for commissions and have troves of art of me getting stabbed to death.
  • I am self-taught in Thai knife fighting martial arts since the age of 11.
  • I can talk your ear off about rice weevils.
  • I can solve a Rubik’s cube in 40 seconds.
  • I’m a hellenic polytheist.
  • I am 20.
  • I have unironically committed tax evasion.
  • I have probably stolen a little over $3000 dollars from my last job.
  • My mom suplexed me down a flight of stairs as a child and that’s why I’m like this.
  • I have an OC for every media I have ever enjoyed
  • I have ADHD. I have many other things too, but we will simply call those my “quirky swag”
  • I am wanted dead or alive in Texas, Arkansas, and Mississippi. The only reason I choose to be stuck in Louisiana instead of escape to Mexico via boat is because I respect the Gulf of Mexico and would never dare pollute it.
  • I killed a child when I was 8 years old. We were playing by the river and I pushed him in, but he hit his hea
  • I have a system called “Mya Points”. I give you a Mya Point if you make me laugh heartily or complete one of my challenges. One Mya Point is worth .10$, and I will in fact give you the money if you’d like to cash them in.
  • I was banned from the official Reddit Furry Discord 5 years ago for making inappropriate jokes about Squidward and they still refuse to let me back in.
  • They call me “transgender with a bit of tummy”, “Mya the Slayer”, “Zeus”, “Chaos Dunkmaster”, and a host of other nicknames which should not be repeated on this fine website.
  • I am the 2-time Dog Vomit Chug Champ from 2018-2021. They didn’t host the tournament in 2019 because the other competitor was out sick.
  • I do longboard dancing/freestyling.
  • If you’re still reading this, you’re entitled to a Mya Point.
  • I have an LD50 of .3mg/kg.
  • I'm the queen, man! I run the underworld, guy! I decide who does what and where they do it at! What am I gonna run around and act like I'm some teeny-bopper somewhere for somebody else's money? I make the money, man. I roll the nickels. The game is mine! I deal the cards.
  • I have been drain gang since red light, which means I am immune to criticism.
  • I have Alexandria’s Genesis.
  • I will gladly do a letter trade with you, if you’re okay with me knowing your address.
  • I’m not a vampire. But I do have vampire swag.
  • In a past life, I was a scribe who filled in for the jester when he was at his union-mandated lunch.
  • Approximately half of the posts I made on twitter were from a GPT2 algorithm I trained on my twitter. Some amount of that will also be here, but fine tuned a little (highly curated, don’t worry).
  • Every year is my year. Every season is my season.
  • I have incredible luck. While mosts people’s lucks are nullified over their lifetime, mine is nullified monthly. While this wouldn’t matter much, it means my incredibly high negative passive attributes are nullified over and over instead of just once at random, and thus great things keep happening to me.
  • I was a gifted child, and now I’m a gifted adult. I have an IQ of over 3.01x10^9 , because I found an exploit. I’ll show you the exploit if you can answer my riddles three, but by that point you won’t need it.
  • I can kill people with my mind and turn virgins into pillars of salt if they test me (cooldown 24hrs)
  • I was president of a micronation.
  • I used to write short fiction and poems all the time, but now I primarily write yaoi fanfics, and yuri if I’m especially in my feels.
  • I used to make graphic design/digital art, but it was all shallow and ugly. Now I still do it, but way more rare, and it’s too personal to share.
  • I used to make strange music with modular synths, but now I just make individual rap lyrics that are a little too strange to record myself saying aloud.
  • The largest animal I think I could beat in a fight is a coyote. I say this because I have beaten a coyote in a fight.
  • I am 21.
  • I’m pretty much cisgender if you don’t count the body or the brain.
  • I regularly speed 30+ miles an hour over the speed limit, because time is money and I don’t have much of either. I have gotten into 5 head-on collisions, but the Gods won’t let me die.
  • I don’t smoke, drink, or do any drugs. But I do slam my head against the wall repeatedly to be able to sleep at night, drink monster for religious reasons, and eat adhesives for dinner frequently
  • I have a secret map of hidden feelings that only I can feel, and I will gladly talk about them if you’d like.
  • I fully believe in most conspiracy theories for the sake of making life fun.
  • I am an amateur voice actor, bodybuilder, and EMS driver (it was just one time, but still)
  • I have fully replaced all the oxygen in my body with swag
  • I am 22.
  • I am not single, but will mingle for significant political power or money.
  • I fully support The Radical Left, the Otherkin agenda, the Anime menace, and anybody who is not a person (unironic)
  • I frequently get random thoughts and phrases that are mildly funny popping into my head, and I post them over and over as they pop into my head. I will be doing this here as well.
  • I am a little hegelian (in a good way, please believe me).
  • I have a scene phase I was never able to live. It’s building up inside of me like a pressure chamber and soon enough it will explode outward in a horrific way.

But other than all that, I'm a completely normal girl on the internet...

Thank you for your patience,

Mya


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