Cania

KAY-nee-ah

  • they/them

My Website
www.cania.zone/
My public discord server
discord.com/invite/bKrtWUN3mp

eroticgrandpa
@eroticgrandpa

Here it is! Right after the jump!

"Let's-a go!" - Chris Pratt, Super Mario Bros. The Movie, 2023


Every time I decide that "now is the time I will start a blog," it's this time of year, and the compulsion to join in with "here's my top ten games of the year!" reaches a fever point, so I sit down, quill in hand, jot a few names down, and then I realize that writing lists...sucks. It's miserable!

Never mind that it's boring, but the last...I dunno, when did that issue of EGM where Seanbaby shit on a bunch of bad games come out? 2000? 1999? That whole dunk section has bloated out of control like Tetsuo in the last 20 odd years. Not enough to shit on a game, you gotta make a bunch of discrete categories through which to say "Boy howdy this game sucked assssssss!"

I dunno, shit's been too negative lately. What's another vicious dunk on Saints Row (2022) going to do except maybe make someone who poured their time and effort into it feel like shit? What good does that serve?

Anyway, here's some stuff I liked.

Dark Souls Remastered (Nintendo Switch)

Hey, y'all hear about this one? Look, a regular Exxon Valdez worth of ink has been spilled about Dark Souls, but this is my goddamn blog post, let me have this.

I struggle with "hard" games. Or games that assign a letter grade. I was a straight-A student! How dare Devil May Cry give me a B, or whatever. For ages I've been hung up on the notion of the "one and done." I'm going to do this level, get all the baubles, get a perfect score, and move on. If I encounter more friction than I feel necessary, or the game dares to grade me anything less than an A (or S) rank and a "GRAPE JOB!" sticker, I'm out.

So, Dark Souls. Out of the question. Unthinkable. Killed immediately by that asylum demon? Done. Gone. Bye.

Eleven years after the fact, armed with the Switch version (which, I assumed, would be free of people playing it who would invade me [absolutely dead wrong, by the way]), I decided to sit down and give it a whirl.

So much is said, and not entirely incorrectly, that Dark Souls is hard. It is! It's pretty rough! But I don't think the same weight is given to how fair the game is in its difficulty. Enemies are, for the most part, not random. The horrible creature that swiped at you from a blind corner and killed you? It's there again. But now you know. And maybe it'll get you again! Maybe in a different way, maybe because you got careless, or cocky. But now you know, and that knowledge is crucial to where you go from there.

It's a game of attrition, you versus the game, and when you get into it, y'know, in the zone, it's the best feeling I've ever had playing a game. So many boss fights lost with the boss having an absolute sliver of health because I got too greedy, but so many victories because I dared to be just greedy enough. Dark Souls gives you nothing, but learning how to earn everything? Amazing. Fantastic stuff.

There are a ton of moments that have been written to death about, and I could do that here, but honestly it feels like it would be a disservice to anyone who has someone gone this long without hearing anything about the game. Go in there knowing nothing. Let that world full of weird cackling perverts unfold before you. But also maybe take a right instead of a left at Firelink Shrine. Just a little tip, from me to you.

So! Is it a hard game? Hell yeah it is. Can you, the uninitiated, beat it? Hell yeah you can.

God I haven't even touched talking about the world, the atmosphere, the music, the dread you feel walking with your little shield up as you enter a new area, waiting for whatever horrors await to pounce on you. What a fantastic game. If anyone knows of a good, safe method of trepanation so that I can forget this game and play it anew, hit me up.

Well, not really. But maybe.

Also all apologies to Dark Souls 2: Scholar of the First Sin, a game I've put a good chunk of time into, but got burned out on. I'll come back to you! I promise!!

Unpacking (Nintendo Switch)

Holy moly, I somehow completely forgot that I played this game this year. That's not a knock on the game, more just the chaotic times we scrabble through, but the sitting or two it took to finish this was really something special.

A lot is said of "environmental storytelling" in games, and usually how it's bad and overblown. Big ol' final words writ in blood on a wall, safe codes written on a poster in size 120 font. Sometimes someone makes a joke about how it's a skull in a toilet and Ken Levine gets mad, red and nude.

Unpacking is a game that is nothing but environmental storytelling (well, mostly - I think the protagonist will write a blurb in her journal if you screenshot one of the finished rooms), and it's astonishing how much character is conveyed entirely in following what possessions this woman takes with her from home to home, what she chooses to keep and let go, and the spaces she occupies.

I'll put it this way - in a game about emptying boxes and putting things in their place, I have never in my life felt so aggrieved for a character as when I finally found where I could put her college diploma in her boyfriend's extremely "aesthetic" apartment. It was the last piece of that particular puzzle, and I fucking gasped and snarled "NO!" when it finally clicked.

Just...damn, what a cool little game. Amazing pixel art, and an amazing story told without saying a word. Can't recommend it enough.

Phoenix Wright 1-3 + Apollo Justice and like half of Miles Edgeworth Investigations (Switch, 3DS, DS)

Once upon a time (college, long enough ago to merit this corny intro) I played through Ace Attorney and Justice for All, and thought, "Damn I wish I could forget everything about these games and play them again for the first time."

Turns out just waiting like 15 years did the trick!

There's...not really much to say about the Phoenix Wright games. They're visual novels, y'know? And even on the DS (save that one, overly long bonus case in the first game), they don't really do anything wild as far as gameplay. But goddamn do they go hog wild with those characters, and the shit they get up to.

It's a running theme here (between this, Dark Souls/FROM games, the Yakuza series, etc.) that I'll play a game and go "aw yeah yeah yeah yeah this is all I want to play let's go" and then burn out spectacularly, which is why I haven't finished Miles Edgeworth Investigations (yet! yet!!). But I hope to get the hankering to come back, because these games are a blast, and it's always wild to see what they come up with next.

In conclusion: this guy is the most amazingly animated character I've ever seen. I love him.

Kirby and the Forgotten Land (Nintendo Switch)

I last played a Kirby game...god, maybe around when I first played Phoenix Wright, if it even counts as a "real" Kirby game (it was Canvas Curse). They always seem cute, well-made, but maybe, I dunno...slight? I've tried a level or two from a few of them, but rarely do they grab me.

Seeing that trailer for this game, that briefly made it look like Kirby got whisked away to that part of The Last of Us, had me on board. Not that Kirby was gonna shove a crowbar under a guy's kneecap and pop it out or anything, but...it looked cool!

And as it turns out, the game is pretty cool. They do some really fun and clever things with the levels and enemies, and hunting down all of the little secrets is a pretty good time. Even the combat, which initially seems pretty mashy (and can be, if you want it to be!) has some hidden depth to it, and plays, uh, kind of like Bayonetta, if you're trying to go for a No Hit Run on a boss.

That said, something about the dissonance of this collapsed society, inhabited by the cutest creatures ever rendered...I dunno, it made me weirdly depressed. Add to it the extremely oppressive music in the final world (those two notes at the start! Agh!), and it honestly kinda bummed me out.

The next game (it's another remake of Super Star, right?) looks...normal, so maybe that'll be the one for me. This one was fine! I don't know why I got so depressed by the end! Maybe it's just 2022.

God I wish I had kept a list of what I played going. This is tough. Uh. Let's cut to the one I was going to save for the end.

Fortnite (Switch, then PS4, then PC, sometimes back to Switch if I'm feeling like a sicko)

MMMMMMM/ Lil Whip, Lil Whip Lil Whip/ MMMMMMM/ Take your pick/ Take a lick/ Just like this/ MMMMMM/ Whip it up / Lil Whippin’ in your cup/ MMMMMMM/ Lil Whippin’/ Dripping flavor/ That’s what’s up. MMMMMMMM

If you told me four years ago, when I struggled to play Fortnite Battle Royale as I was mercilessly hunted by two children who I could hear taunting me over voice chat, that Epic would one day add in a mode where you don't have to build shit, and Son Goku, and I'd be all over it?

I'd say...yeah that checks out, I probably would jump all over that.

With the geriatric-millennial-friendly Zero Build mode in play, Fortnite is...honestly a lot of fun? I could go at length about how insidious the monetization is, how much FOMO is ramped up to encourage people to buy more shit, that sort of thing, but others have worn that path down, that's out there.

Fortnite is about you and your geriatric millennial friends logging on and chanting "Fortnite Fortnite Fortnite" in the lobby area. It's about asking where everyone wants to land, and the decision being overriden to land in Rocky Reels (RIP). It's about dressing up in your best skin and doing your best dance in the back of a pickup truck that's careening off a mountain. It's about knocking someone down, and everyone circling around them and doing Lil' Whip or Gangam Style as they desperately try to crawl away.

Fortnite is a hoot. And it looks really nice now, so there's that, too.

Okay crap I gotta look up a list of what came out this year now, uh.

Sonic Frontiers (Nintendo Switch)

I'm nowhere near done with this game, but I'm honestly shocked at how much I love it? I mean, I was right there! Dunking on it! "Oh Sonic thinks he's Zelda now huh" I was saying. And here it is, and it rules, even as I play the worst version of the game.

I feel for the director now, saying that maybe the Open Zone areas were poorly shown in the first trailers, and they're best experienced in game, because that's true? You zip around these huge maps and, while they can be sparse, they're mostly just...dense with these weird loop-de-loops and rails not going anywhere in particular. And what can't really be shown in watching a video is just how goddamn compelling they are. What is that loop doing there? What's at the end? I bet it's another one of these heart tokens that lobs into Amy and does...nothing, I think? But I'm gonna figure out how to get up there and find out anyway.

And I think that's the most ironic thing about the game, these sort of aimless open world attractions, because they're the second most fun part of the game (the most fun part? Fishing with Big the Cat, to chill hip hop beats to study fish to). It's the parts of the game where you get sucked into these giant...stone...thrones? I think is what they are? And play old school style Sonic levels (god, the Adventure style 3D level is old enough to be old school now, isn't it?).

What I'm getting at is - those levels are fine, but they're just...there. If you're fast enough and get all the red rings, you can finish some of them in a single go, and probably never play (or think about them) ever again.

But even then, the game is so generous in giving you the various keys and tokens needed (you can get a bunch fishing!) that you almost never need to play those levels. You can fuck around scooting around the desert at a million miles an hour and get the emeralds or, uh, whatever it is you're supposed to do.

I dunno! It's hard to put a finger on what makes it so compelling, and all I can conclude is that you simply...gotta go fast?

They're unplugging my computerr for wriiiiting that I'm sorrryuioi

Sniper Elite 5 (PS4, along with some dabbling with V2, 3, and 4 on Switch)

Karl Fairburne. Writing that down now before I forget. That's the sniper man's name.

There's been a weird gaming hole in my heart since I finished (or finished as much as I was going to) Metal Gear Solid V, that only the more recent Sniper Elite games have come close to filling. Plunking you down in an enormous map, a handful of tasks at the ready, having to scope out (oh ho ho ho) your surroundings, and silently (or as close to it as you can) taking out everyone in occasionally, comically gory fashion...it's great. The experience, that is. The gore is kind of a lot, though the rare x-ray slowmo cam of a Nazi's nut (or nuts! if your aim be true!) exploding is a real hoot & holler moment, every time.

Sniper Elite 5 adds a lot of little side things to do and find, and some fun challenges for taking guys out. It feels almost inevitable that the game descends into madness, with you shooting out a bunch of Nazis streaming out of a chateau, but maybe that's just me getting sloppy, getting greedy with my shots. There's always a way out for glances up Karl Fairburne, you just gotta be clever.

As for the other entries, I think...time has passed for playing V2. I dunno. Maybe it's great. I just couldn't get into it. 3 and 4 are still fantastic, and play great on the Switch.

Karl Fairburne

Windjammers 2 (Switch [this is OK right, I don't need to type Nintendo every time, right?])

I didn't put enough time into this one, sad to say. I wish it had proper cross-play, but what can ya do. I'm just happy it finally happened.

I think (sort of like with Nidhogg 2, which I love) there's maybe a little too much added to what made the first game work as well as it did, but it's fine? Some of the obstacles in the level add a healthy amount of chaos to the matches. It's a good time! Gotta grab it on Steam one of these days.

Neon White (Switch)

Ah! I didn't beat this one! I should!

What a fun game. Even if I'm not super invested in the story or the characters, figuring out each level, shaving time off each run, and trying to figure out how the hell you're supposed to grab some of those presents...it's great!

Maybe another game I'd be better off playing on PC, with a mouse and keyboard, but honestly it's fine on Switch.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Shredder's Revenge (Switch)

The greatest disservice I did to myself with this one was playing as the best character (April O'Neil) first. Speed trumps strength in this game, so if you're coming to it and wanting to play as everyone, I guess...pick April last? Or just go ahead and pick April, she's great.

Anyway - a pretty fun game! Just a ton of forgotten childhood memories rushing back seeing a bunch of the enemies in this game ("Oh, I had a toy of that guy! And that guy! And him too!"). You can tell that the developers have a real love for the franchise, as it just feels so cram packed with little details. Turns out you can squeeze a lot of personality out of a bunch of palette-swapped robot ninja if you animate them doing all kinds of stuff in the background.

Pumpkin Jack (PC)

Scratch one up for another "I didn't finish this but I should" game. A really fun little throwback 3D platform game with a great look and pretty fun, creative levels. And one of the few games I can run on my PC with raytracing on that doesn't make it slow to a crawl, so that's a plus, too.

Call of Duty Modern Warfare II (PC)

This is the first time I've ever played a COD campaign (I played the hell outta Modern Warfare 2019, but never touched the story), and...hoo boy. I guess I get it. Visually very impressive, but uhhh damn, you can smell the ink drying on those checks from the CIA on this sucker.

Anyway, that's not what I'm here for. I'm here for Shoot House and Shipment, and sucking ass at Domination and Hardpoint, and having a grotesque branded calling card/emblem/gun charm (thanks, Little Caesars, for taunting the people I kill with a giant "PIZZA PIZZA" banner), and in that way, this game delivers.

Dark Souls 2: Scholar of the First Sin (PS4)

Hey, I'm already writing about stuff I haven't finished, why not.

Initially, out of the gate, I hated this. I might hate it still? I don't know. It's so weird, so different, coming hot off of Dark Souls. Maybe it's just the changes to the movement (it feels bad!), or the way areas will empty out of enemies if you kill them enough (I get that it's a "you did good, you killed them so hard they're never coming back" thing, and also a means of limiting grinding, but it feels like the game taking pity on you), but they did one thing in this game that feels amazing.

They made parrying stupid easy.

So when I first saw The Pursuer drop to attack me? Not great! When he rose out of the ground later in the level? Not great! And when he keeps popping up in The Lost Bastille? Not great! He's scary as shit!

But then he does that move, where he glides at you, sword back, and you swing your little buckler...and then wail on him.

And that...that is great.

Anyway, I'm coming for you, Ruins Knights. One of these days.

Hey, let's do a category real quick here.

SCARIEST GAME

REAL ANSWER: Probably Dark Souls Remastered

MY ANSWER: Upgrading my PC

Gonna be honest here, the idea of getting a PS5 or a Series X...wanes each day. I'm sure they're fine! But they're goddamn gigantic, and expensive, and huge, and probably won't fit on my IKEA shelf that I probably shouldn't be using as a TV stand but do anyway (but it creaks sometimes at night and I worry one day I'll find my TV busted and my consoles shattered).

And on top of that, you can't even really buy the damn things! Yeah OK cool lemme pay Best Buy $200 for a service that gets me a chance at maybe buying a PS5? Get outta here!

So around Black Friday or so I decided to do it. The most sensible thing for being less than sensible - upgrading my PC.

When I first built my PC in...2019, I think? The whole crypto nonsense had made getting a graphics card impossible. And I also wanted to build with a MicoITX board, which was foolish for a first timer. So I settled for getting a Ryzen 2400g, and actually got one as a "good luck on your first build" hand-me-down from a coworker. And it would have been perfect, save one detail - he kept the Wraith Cooler that comes with the 2400g, and instead gave me the largest fan/heatsink I'd ever seen from another build instead.

Long story short, the clips on it were broken, and I figured, heck, I'll just order a fan and pull this off the processor for now. And...I sure did, along with the processor, bending every single goddamn pin on it.

Cut to a few months ago, and I'm sweatin' like a Vietnam war field surgeon, case open, trying to twist my fan off my 2400g (I had to buy another one, as you can guess), prying out my "it's $150 it should be OK" aging graphics card, and swapping in some new guts.

It...went fine. I had to look up my motherboard's manual to reconnect the header pins, but it all turned out fine.

And then I tried to install Pop OS on a spare hard drive and accidentally wiped my main Windows install. Whoops! Lil' jump scare at the end there.

GAME WITH THE BEST, MOST PROMISING BONES FOR THE SEQUEL IT MIGHT NOT GET BUT I SURE HOPE IT WILL BECAUSE IT'D BE A SHAME TO END IT ON THIS

Saints Row (PS4)

The people have been merciless with this one, but honestly, it's fine...ish. And I think that's why I wanna give kudos to what it does right, namely, the character creator.

While it takes a slight step back in letting you go ham making your character's face (you can fudge around a good deal with presets, but it doesn't feel as granular as it used to be), in every other regard it's leaps and bounds beyond Saints Row IV and Saints Row The Third, coming close to the gold standard Saints Row 2 established.

Santo Ileso is also a much more interesting city than Steelport, and the change from a pseudo...Chicago? Pittsburgh? to the desert is a nice change of pace.

And for all the fucking "uhhh weehhh they went woke" bullshit whining, I really enjoyed the cast! They're fun!

I just wish the missions had a bit more meat to them, is all. The story feels like it finally gets going and then, with the very next point-of-no-return mission, it ends.

What I'm trying to be positive here and say is - the groundwork is all here for a killer Saints Row 2, that'll hopefully be as good as, uh, Saints Row 2. I just hope Volition gets the chance to try again (and keeps the inclusive spirit they strove for one this one, please don't let a bunch of whiny CHUDs change the course on this).

OK back to just listing games, let's see.

Marvel Snap (on my telephone)

Rubbing my temples here trying to figure out what to write here.

It's very well made. The three lanes, twelve card deck system, and how the two can potentially interact, is insanely devious, and allows for some truly chaotic plays.

And matches are maybe 5 minutes tops. 10-15 for that time a guy played Odin in a lane where the ability was to clone whatever card went in there four times, causing Odin to use his ability, which reactivates every card in that lane's ability, resulting in an insane, perpetual Odin-activating-Odin-activating-Odin~ nightmare recursion.

It also made me kinda love Marvel, just a bit, a thing I thought a decade plus of movie over saturation had ground out of me.

Spider-Man Remastered (PC)

But it's OK, this killed the love.

I kid, this game is fine. I don't think it gripped me like it did back on release on PS4, and playing through to the end (and especially the DLC) felt more like a chore than having fun.

Mostly just got this to flex my upgraded PC a little. Turns out you can run it on very high settings or have ray tracing, not both. Somewhere I think I've got a screenshot of ray tracing enabled with Spider-Man wearing the MK1 Spider-Armor, which brought my PC down to about 4 FPS.

But damn does it feel good to play it at 60 FPS. I "get it" now, the good frame rate thing.

God of War Ragnarok (PS4)

Or not.

I kid! I kid! I'm playing it in Performance Mode on the Pro, it mostly runs fine.

I really liked God of War 2018, one of the rare games where I felt compelled to really try and do everything (one of the Valkyrie fights and a particularly nasty fight in a cave from early in the game kinda squashed that ambition). And I think I'm feeling it again, with this one.

Not sure what all Christopher Judge was saying in his Game Awards speech (I had it on mute, I was just trying to win that Steam Deck), but his role as Kratos is pretty goddamn good. Maybe I'll have to look it up. Man's got a great voice.

I dunno! I'm still working my way through this one. It feels very long, very expensive, like a lot of Sony first party titles do. But there's something about this one...I dunno. Vibin' with it. Hope I continue to.

Hitman 3 Freelancer Trial (PC)

Hitman 2016, and 2 and 3 from there, make up what may as well be at this point one of my all-time favorite games, if not outright favorite. The promise I imagined with Hitman 2 on PS2 has been more than fully realized with these games, and even now (though I still kinda play like a coward), I still have fun going through the Paris level I've probably played a hundred times or so.

So! This mode! What a terrifying thing they've made here. Taking all of these expansive levels they spent years making, and just tossing you into the deep end of them, without the years of unlocks you've acquired, moving some items around...it's...disorienting? I already said terrifying and I'm not going to Thesaurus dot com here.

It really makes all of these areas feel new again, in the worst way. That crowbar you know is there by heart? Maybe not! Oh ho ho, I gotta poison this guy, huh? Not so fast, they stuck you with a dude who just walks a short little route.

These three Hitman games have been at their best when you've memorized all of their clockwork machinations, and you figure out just the right point in which to toss in a wrench and fuck it all up (in your favor, or not). Freelancer mode throws that familiarity out the window (along with, thankfully, needing to get Silent Assassin, so you can kill some witnesses if things get hairy). The safest method might not be the one open to you, and you just gotta roll with it.

In Sapienza, one of my targets was a maid in the mansion, who was in a room with a servant, who paced between her and a window at the edge of the room. She just stood in place, dusting a little side table. The only thing I had on me was a knife, so I pulled the pin on the piano, causing the servant to walk over to it, and just...hurled that knife. It was my only option! And it worked. And it worked again later when I threw a screwdriver into the brain of a guy at the docks, in open sight of everyone, but a short trot from the boat I needed to hop on to escape.

If the last six years of Hitman have been about getting too damn cozy, Freelancer mode torches all of that.

Well, I think. Maybe. I've never touched the escalations, or Mastery mode. So. Uh.

But hey! January 2023. Can't wait for this dang mode to come back.

Klonoa Phantasy Reverie Series (Switch)

Why do I keep forgetting I played these!

My only knocks on these games is that there's some input lag on the Switch version, that Klonoa 2 is maybe too talk-y for its own good, and that Klonoa is too good for these worlds that use him for his abilities.

I love that critter. I love these games. I'm glad I finally played them. And I hope I remember to keep playing them (got those GBA and Wonderswan games to play, and the volleyball game, and may as well play the original version Klonoa for the cute sprite work, too).

Monster Train (PC, but I got it and beat it on Switch so I could play it in bed, so)

I burned out on this once I got to the point where the game sorta gives you a bunch of mutators and stuff to make future runs more challenging (it was hard enough!), but my quest to beat the game for that first time? And then finally doing it, by the skin of my teeth? Fan-tas-tic.

Control (PC)

A game I started on PS4 but now I'm gonna play on PC, since it runs better there. I'm stuck on that flying dude in the mailroom. I'm mostly writing this to remind me to get back to it. Perfect atmosphere. Unbeatable.

King of Fighters XV (PS4)

I guess I should get back to this, maybe get those DLC characters. Just some hard dissonance these days, between my long love for SNK, and knowing where my money goes when I buy their stuff nowadays :/

Easy Come, Easy Golf (Switch)

HELL YEAH OH HELL YEAH.

My only knock on this game is that the load times are kinda long. But goddamn, you cannot go wrong with ClapHanz golf games.

Ys Origin (Switch)

If you're guessing I didn't beat this one, pat yourself on the back. I need to, though. Killer music, and just some good, meaty hackin' and slashin'.

OK some categories right quick let's see.

THING I'M SURE GLAD I GOT WHEN IT WAS CHEAPER A FEW YEARS AGO

MiSTer FPGA

This thing is still cool, still great, and the more cores they add to it (some great arcade stuff this year, some good progress on the Saturn core, and the release of the PSX core) the better it gets, and the more glad I am I got it before chips and shit got astronomically expensive.

Do you need one? Nah, probably not. Do I need one? Yes, and it's a sickness, and I don't recommend it. But it's been great to have. Just...Splatterhouse, whenever I want it. And now with some nice little shadowmasks.

GAME THAT CAME OUT THIS YEAR THAT I HOPE TO PLAY SOME DAY ONCE I BEAT THE REST OF THE GAMES IN ITS MORE OR LESS SPIRITUAL SERIES, AND HOPEFULLY BEFORE I DIE

Elden Ring

It sounds pretty good. Sounds like folks like it.

GAME OF THE YEAR 2022, THE THING AT LEAST ONE FRIEND GOT BADGERED TO READING TO THIS POINT AND MAYBE ONE CO-HOSTER WHO GOT LOST

Dark Souls Remastered (Switch)

It's entirely possible that an annual playthrough of this replaces my semi-retired annual playthrough of Castlevania Symphony of the Night. And, given that's long been near the top of "my favorite game(s) of all time" mental list...hey, good job, FROM. Pretty good game y'all made there.

Oh wait I can't end it on this, hold on.

DARKEST CONFESSION OF 2022, MY GREATEST SHAME

I SHOT MANUS WITH A BUNCH OF ARROWS FROM ABOVE HIS BOSS CHAMBER AND THEN WENT INTO THE BOSS CHAMBER AND KILLED HIM IN LIKE SIX HITS

HE WAS SO GODDAMN HARD AND I DIED SO MANY TIMES AND LOOK IF THEY DIDN'T WANT YOU TO BE ABLE TO DO THAT THEY WOULDN'T HAVE LET YOU DO IT RIGHT

I thought summoning Solaire to fight the Bell Gargoyles was going to be my main mark of shame, but my absolutely disgraceful takedown of Manus is just beyond the pale. My prior effort, of beating Artorias while butt naked, armed only with my claymore, and my later, hard fought victory over Kalameet, are tarnished by what I did. I know what I did. Even finally beating the game was shadowed by knowing what I did to Manus.

Dark Souls, I'm sorry. He was just so hard.

OK anyway that's it. Thanks for reading.


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