I'd really quite like to attend a large event with like minded people where they wouldn't hate me on reflex for existing and maybe some people were naked.
proceeds to reinvent play parties from first principles
Oh, that's right. Were not allowed those.
Silly me.
Trying really hard to use self care to fill the hole marked "community care" in my life.
Not helped by the voice in my head that keeps telling me that "well not all of them can possibly hate you, that's a cognitive distortion." Oh how I fucking hate CBT. Live the life I've had and meet the people I've met and try explaining to me again how "It's not like your banned from the venue" in any way offsets any of this. They cant ban me as if they did then they'd be admitting that they alostatic loaded me. But if they don't it'll just be quiet and I'll vanish. But the moment I show up on the radar of the wrong people assuming I tried to reintegrate after things have "blown over" it will all be back 100 times worse.
"But you see youuu doooonnnn'tttt actualllly knowwwww that"
Do I really need to unpack that? I've met these people. I've seen them lick the boots (at times literally) of the worst people imaginable and now they have a scape goat they can take their grievances out on. The mad tranny.
I'm so tired. It's just the same cycle of people in my space and it repeats over and over again and I am meant to take stagnation in my isolation as progress. Like sure, the fact that I can't just go get a pint with friends is many fold and part of that is my (NOT AT ALL UNFOUNDED) fear of getting hate crimed and the fact that were all broke is technically in some ways my own fault. Why can't I JUST BE BRAVER.
The things I would do to be a brave tranny and not a mad sad one.