My siblings and I, historically speaking, don't get along. We annoy each other. We generally find each others habits obnoxious. We would whine and complain about the little tics that we each had enough that it just absolutely exhausted my mom. I think this is a fairly common problem for families who have 3 kids, especially when they're all growing up within 4 years of each other.
That said, even when she was tired, my mom was doing her best. However, whenever she was at the end of her rope, tired of us whining about one of the other kids making a dumb noise, she would always ask us in the most exasperated tone possible: "Is it hurting you?" And most of time? No, not really.
I don't really think she intended it to be life advice. God only knows how often she had to put up with all of us throwing fits and dealing with our various medical issues (my mom and all of her kids, including me, all have fibromyalgia on top of our own unique disabilities). Little did she know that I think that question is the best way to live your life; it's kind of like an upgraded "golden rule".
Whenever I encounter something I don't really understand, a philosophy, an opinion someone holds about something, someone else's kink, you name it, there's just a simple question you have to ask to make a judgment: is it hurting you? And when you think about it, I think you'll find that most of the time, the answer is no.
Obviously this requires people to act in good faith and trust others. It's not always easy. But for the most part I think people online just forget that they're allowed to look away from something. Stuff you see can make you feel weird! It's hard to sort your baggage. So if the answer to "Is this hurting me?" turns out to be yes, you have to ask "If I look away from this, is it still hurting me?" The answer is almost certainly no. Obviously if something is hurting others or the person participating in what you're considering, its bad!
I don't think it's a perfect philosophy. Life isn't quite so simple and there are a lot of really complex beliefs and scenarios or whatever. But with that said, I think that even if you're opposed to something or grossed out by something or just not sure you understand something, I think it's worth asking yourself: is it really hurting anyone for people to be the way they are?
