• Fae/Ae

The safe space of a smol town woof and host of the Swifttail Collective. Photography under the brand Hat Lion photos and is a Collective wide collaboration. Based in Michigan. Periodically talks about FFXIV, random thoughts, feelings and so on. Perpetually struggling to figure ones self out and make sense of the world and lived experiences. Collective members post every so often. HRT: 7 Feb 2022

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FFXIV Crystal/Malboro

• Ashie Treabault- Knights of the Claw (Crystal/Malboro, Mist W9 P3)

• Summer Magic (Ashie's Partner, Crystal/Malboro)


Shorkgirl
@Shorkgirl
Anonymous Guest asked:

Miss shorkgirl, how do you make friends? You're really neato and interesting, but I lack charisma or allure.

Friendship- how I wish there was a magic bullet for friendship, one tried and true trick to making and keeping friends. Especially for folk existing in neurodivergent spaces. I wrote a while back, a little bit of micro-fiction, because, well, that was just something that I did, and one character in it had this to say:

"Friends aren't something you can analyse into existence, just as they aren't something I can carve into being on my chirurgeon's table. They are work, Aellae rem Neru. They are difficult."


Sadly there is no true solution to friendship. For me the greatest hurdle is having the time to give to everyone whom I would want to give it too. That is my greatest tribulation. Balancing my need for time to myself with the time I must give out. Knowing full well that those I care for deserve my attention, my affection, my camaraderie, and sorority. Even so, I have only so much to give after work, and stress that much of what can be offered is a pale shadow of my self. For some that is enough, for others it never shall be.

There are of course other variances as well, whether in physical spaces, online spaces, or social media. Cohost itself is a tremendously different beast than spaces such as the site formerly known as Twitter, or Tumblr. There's not really clout here. Just fabulous creatures existing for good or ill in a wonderful sandbox milieu. For making friends in Final Fantasy XIV? That can very much depend on what you want to use the game for. Social interaction, roleplay, gposing, raiding, just being a bloody silly thing and dancing on rooftops? Never have I ever~ (Tongue firmly in cheek here.)

Through it all though, be earnest, be yourself, don't be afraid to evolve and grow either. Communication can be hard, it gets easier the more you try, for the most part. It can vary, there will be days when you just don't have the mental resources to communicate. That is okay. You may tumble in with a group of like minded beans, and find out that they aren't quite the right fit. That's okay too. It's alright to meet and move on. Maybe there will be one or two you want to stay in touch with. Add them to the friends list, keep their phone number in your phone if they were offline folk you met, but don't be afraid. Remember also, there are different kinds of people in this world, and some are very outgoing and gregarious, some are quieter, and prefer that little pool of sun on the couch and a good book to going out to the pub. Neither type of person is wrong. We all require different kinds of care, and it's a bloody shame we don't come with instruction manuals.

Be kind, to yourself, and to others. You say you lack charisma and allure, do you feel awkward in conversation? Is it something you don't like in yourself? I find that I too have moments of doubt, awkwardness, anxiety and lack surety in my self. It's often a prompt on my part for some self reflection to understand where that's coming from in me. Give it some thought, suss out where it's from, and why you feel that way. Then, if needs be, find a way to change that bit. Have faith in yourself and your ability to be who you wish to be!

Now then, the actual meat of the question. How to make friends, with all that preamble this part may seem disastrously short, and silly. Put yourself out there. It's a giant leap of a chance and a moment where you may fall flat on your face a few times. All the saints and sinners know I have! Find someone or a group of someone's and say hallo. If they're playing a board game at a shop, ask if you can join or watch. If TTRPG's are your thing, find a group needing a player (do groups still advertise that at local game shoppes?), if online reach out to people, on here post about your interests and tag the posts appropriately. Tags do show up in searches and someone might find you that way - conversely search tags that interest you and reach out to folk! The underlying theme is a bit of reaching out beyond your shell. It's difficult. I know it is. It can however, work.

Hands over a biscuit and some cocoa.

You've got this Anonymous. It may take some time and not be an overnight sort of thing- but if you work at it, you can succeed.

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