I'm feeling better today and still don't know if the choice i made yesterday was the right one or not? There felt like there was no clear choice and i needed to make one regardless of the outcome or how i might've felt right after or even what my brain might've been telling me at the time.
As i told a pair of friends yesterday, everyone deserves so much better from me than what i'm able to give atm. There's stuff happening behind the scenes that most aren't aware of and i really don't like the way i get at times while feeling like i'm trading one mask for another just to try and fit in.
Its what often makes me feel like all the wonderful things others have to say about me and my fellows swifttails is just a lie or like they're humoring us to make us feel better or something bc i know how i specifically tend to act and treat people at times and believe me its not good woof behavior even if its seen as an off day.
For now though i'm gonna continue to give myself some space at least for the next month and see how things go and how i'm feeling. I desperately need community, friendship and to feel like i can be in a space wiffout having to pretend to be someone else.
