talkative fishy on cohost

soft corruptor

when i was in the 3rd grade

　i convinced my friend's older sister to loan me her gameboy color

　 with pokemon blue

　　on the one condition

　　 that i never save over her file.

　　　 this was contraband; my parents couldn't know

　　　　i smuggled that gameboy home and kept it inside my pillowcase, turning it on

　　　　 at an almost imperceptible volume

　　　　　after i’d been put to bed for the night.

　　　　　 i would play until the batteries died or i fell asleep or it was time for school

　　　　　whatever came first.　　　　

　　　　because of my promise to never save, i had, generally, somewhere between 6 and 10 hours to beat the game

　　　　 that year, the margins of my schoolwork filled with (what i would later learn were) 'speedrun strats'

　　　　　i wrote down what patch of grass would come up with a pikachu

　　　　　 traced my routes through the caves

　　　　　　memorized the dialog,

　　　　　　 then the buttons to skip through it

　　　　　　　learned i could invert the screen and navigate dark caverns without teaching my pokemon "flash"

　　　　　　　 eventually, i didn't need to invert anything

　　　　　　　i just knew where to walk, in the dark.　　　　　　

　　　　 i was angling for the elite four, the ostensible win condition of pokemon

　　　　　but i often stopped at cinnabar island

　　　　　 this is because if you surfed up and down the coastline off cinnabar

　　　　　　you might meet MissingNo.

　　　　　　 missingno is a data buffer glitch, and a famous one at that

　　　　　　　it appears when the game mistakenly substitutes the player's name as a pokemon id

　　　　　　　 forming a scrambled, glitchy block described as a "bird/normal" pokemon

　　　　　　　　(although occasionally appearing as a ghost or a fossil unseen elsewhere in the game)

　　　　　　 summoning a ghost was reason enough to try for missingno, but it also came with side-effects

　　　　　　　(including a useful error that would copy an item 128 times over)

　　　　　　　 but rumor was, catching missingno was dangerous-

　　　　　　　 it could softlock the game.

　　　　　　　　destroy your save file.

　　　　　　　　delete pokemon out of your party.　　　　　　　

　　　　　　　　none of this was true, but we traded these stories around the playground, whispered about our angry ghosts

　　　　　　　　 and there were other phantoms;

　　　　　　　　　invisible computers

　　　　　　　　　 a teleporting man stuck on roof

　　　　　　　　　　swapped overworld tiles

　　　　　　　　　　 a trick to catch the most elusive pokemon of all, mew

　　　　　　　　　　　a way to visit glitch city

　　　　　　　　　　　 glitch city was a place made of scrambled sprites

　　　　　　　　　　　　where menu items and objects and sections of buildings melted into one another

　　　　　　　　　　　　 forming an ornate, broken map

　　　　　　　　　　　　　you could stand in glitch city, but you couldn't move

　　　　　　　　　　　　　 i tried everything, every button press order and screen inversion and quit-restart scenario

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　stuck on a single tile, the character walked morosely as if into a wall

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　 but it was still, materially there

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　i could see it

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　 just beyond my reach

　　　　　　　　although i eventually had to give back the gameboy

　　　　　　　　 i did have one friend with a playstation and spyro the dragon

　　　　　　　　　unlike pokemon, which uses memory manipulation to step out of bounds

　　　　　　　　　 spyro is 3d, with simulated physics and barriers

　　　　　　　　　　this means that you can see outside

　　　　　　　　　　 it is right there

　　　　　　　　　　　over an invisible wall that rings the world

　　　　　　　　　　　 see me: 9 years old,

　　　　　　　　　　　　inviting myself for a playdate,

　　　　　　　　　　　　 insisting we play spyro,

　　　　　　　　　　　　　and then,

　　　　　　　　　　　　　 over and over again,

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　trying to bump my way out into the blue.

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　 recently, i found a video of someone doing exactly this;

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　making a sort of hopskip into the atmosphere

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　 one-sided, the geometry of the world turns transparent

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　as the dragon spirals down, gliding under the level

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　 you can see the architecture unstitch itself at the seams

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　one purple dragon

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　 soaring through glitch city

　　　　the house we lived in was old

　　　　 the driveway was long

　　　　　it was sandwiched between a few family graveyards; my friends loved to come over, but wouldn't spend the night

　　　　　 sometimes we'd get out the ouija board and try to contact the beyond

　　　　　　generally unsuccessfully

　　　　　　 once, a friend told me ghosts walk through walls because they remember the house different

　　　　　　　like, after a remodel or renovation

　　　　　　　 they run a logic of memories and can't see that the door got moved

　　　　　　　and this is why they respect the rules of floors but not of walls　　　　　　

　　　　around this time, we learned in school about the structure of atoms

　　　　　how 99.9999999999996% of an atom is empty air

　　　　　 i took this to mean that surely two atoms could be slotted together, if you tried hard enough

　　　　　　if you angled them right, probably you could put your hand right through the table

　　　　　　 if you believed hard enough

　　　　　　　if you weren't watching

　　　　　　 if your eyes were closed　　　　　　

　　　　　 my teacher tried to explain that air wasn't the right way to think about it

　　　　　　it wasn't air in atoms, because air was made of atoms

　　　　　　 it was just nothing

　　　　　　　forces, void

　　　　　　 like in space　　　　　　

　　　　　　atoms never even touch each other, our teacher said

　　　　　　 they have a layer of repulsion

　　　　　　　our bodies are like a house made of unmortared stones

　　　　　　　 no matter how well they fit together

　　　　　　　　no mater how they are locked in place

　　　　　　　　 it isn't forever

　　　　　　　　the wind still gets in　　　　　　　

　　　　　　　i had a schoolyard crush on a kid who sat three desks ahead of me

　　　　　　　 i remember thinking, how romantic

　　　　　　　　if maybe

　　　　　　　　 if we held hands

　　　　　　　　　if we closed our eyes

　　　　　　　　　 if we really focused

　　　　　　　　　　we would phase a little closer

　　　　　　　　　　 then stop

　　　　　　　　　　　surely with all that empty space, we could get our fingers aligned in just the right way

　　　　　　　　　　　 and actually touch one another.

　　　　　　　　　　　　some years later, i learned there is a name for just that

　　　　　　　　　　　　 for when atoms touch

and it is called radiation poisoning.　　　　　　　　　　　

　　　　　 same year as the atoms, i was gifted a history of the world-type book

　　　　　　 one of those aspirational encyclopedias given to children at birthdays

　　　　　　　i can't remember reading more than a page or two

　　　　　　　 but on the cover was a print of the flammarion engraving

　　　　　　　　i faced to it me so i could see it from my bed

　　　　　　　　 i still remember the caption;

　　　　　　　　　"A traveller puts his head under the edge of the firmament"

　　　　　　　　　　the traveller had found a way through

　　　　　　　　　　 i puzzled at this in the margins of my schoolwork

　　　　　　　　　　　dreamed about it nights

　　　　　　　　　　　 tried to apply it to glitch city

　　　　　　　　　　　　sometimes the games and the dreams bled into one another

　　　　　　　　　　　　 a pushing and floating space where the walls yielded

　　　　　　　　　　　　　where my character passed through the barrier

　　　　　　　　　　　　　 where i saw what was just beyond the edge of the surface

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　or the firmament

　　　　　　　　　　　　　 or both　　　　　　　　　　　　　

　　　　　 eventually we got the internet at home

　　　　　　and i discovered other kinds of games

　　　　　　 the resplendent wealth of roleplaying forums

　　　　　　　webrings

　　　　　　　 diaries

　　　　　　　　blogs

　　　　　　　　 flash games

　　　　　　　　 neopets　　　　　　　　

　　　　　　 as well as another kind of invisible wall, the view source

　　　　　　　 for all that i'd been grasping at the internal structure of the games i played

　　　　　　　　attempting to get under or around their surface

　　　　　　　　 and access what was caught inside

　　　　　　　　　i had been stuck moving a body to do so-

　　　　　　　　　 the memory manipulation in pokemon

　　　　　　　　　　the determination to scale the world wall in spyro

　　　　　　　　　　 even the summoning of ghosts with the ouija board

　　　　　　　　　　　had been done by navigating a world with a character and asking it to break

　　　　　　　　　　 like putting your hand against the wall and willing the atoms to let you in　　　　　　　　　　

　　　　　　　　　 but view source-

　　　　　　　　　　it was all there

　　　　　　　　　　 like picking up the shell and seeing the hermit crab

　　　　　　　　　　　i could read it

　　　　　　　　　　　 i could see how it was put together

　　　　　　　　　　　　and most importantly

　　　　　　　　　　　　 i could break it into pieces

　　　　　　　　　　　　and let myself in　　　　　　　　　　　

Twilight Sparkle

@ConfuSomu

one of the many twilight sparkles

the entire content of my 2021 details tag poem Soft Corruptor, as a cohost post

in reply to @everest's post:

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