The esteemed Madame Noir has been with the eccentric Big Red for quite some time. She's put up with the gluttonous lout for too long, and it's about time she put in her weight. Big Red seems to agree. Come see how these two come together and build a dirty bond in this story!
Read here, or on AO3
art by: Yoru
In the dead of night, a record play scratches the surface of a vinyl disc. Waltz kindly broke the silence of the Mansion deep within the forest. The Mistress of Shadows, Madame Noir, stepped through the darkness and lit her room with a snap of her fingers. Her beautiful form was visible to her in her large mirror, and every curve of her sultry, sinful body was appreciated with an unseen smile. Free from her dormant rest, Noir thanks the Lord, Judivah, for failing to judge her for her past sins. The prospect of new conquests brightens her day.
CRASH!!
"Noir, holy SHIT!! I thought you fucking died!!"
The beautiful rays of new opportunities were clouded by the reality of her predicament. Whatever plans she had today had to be worked around that mobile roadblock known as Big Red. Noir closed her eyes, not prepared to see what damage this fat idiot had just done to her furniture.
"Red, even Judivah rested on the seventh day. I am no different."
"What? No the hell you ain't!" The gray demoness lays a hand on her hips, pouting. "You're, like, half shadows and half hot chick. Judivah's one hundred percent all BITCH."
Noir bit her proverbial tongue. Big Red did NOT need to know that she was capable of making a decent joke. With her nerves calmed, Madame Noir was finally ready to address Red. When she turned around to face her, Noir immediately regretted her decision. Her body went rigid at the terrifying sight before her eyes.
“...A-are you… wearing MY CLOTHES?!”
“Yeah!” Red said, smiling. “I was kinda chewing through your clothes, but then I found this and I thought ‘Hey, can I wear this?’ Turns out, it fits like a fuckin’ Charm~!”
“A Charm?!” shouts the enraged Noir. “You ignorant buffoon, you’ve torn away that charm! Do you know how long it took my seamstresses to make that beautiful, crimson dress?! Do you have ANY IDEA how much of a headache it was to obtain the materials for it?!”
Big Red snickered at the shadow woman’s rage. This only made Noir’s anger flare higher, causing her hair to move on its own, carried by the winds of fury.
“Do you think this is funny, you overgrown piece of PIG FAT?”
Noir got up into Red’s grinning face, her eyes glowing and glaring.
“MONTHS! IT TOOK ME MONTHS TO BE FITTED INTO THAT DRESS UNTIL IT WAS PERFECT FOR ME! AND NOW YOU…YOU…”
The tirade of anger was thrown off the rails as Madame Noir’s eyes were brought unto something that was…Off about the outfit. Something that this insufferable, insatiable gray woman added.
“Red, what did you place on my hat?”
The venom in Noir’s voice was ignored as Red slid her hat (It was definitely hers, now) off her head, and poked the Skull affixed on top of it.
“Oh yeah, one of your Imps tried to stab me, so I just took my time with ‘em. Bit half into his face and tore it off, and saw his skull and said ‘Hold on, this is kinda lit.’”
Noir’s confusion of the usage of the word ‘Lit’ made her eyes blaze with confusion instead of blinding rage for a moment. It wasn’t enough to distract her rage, which slowly began to resurface as she saw Big Red lay her hat back on her bald head.
“...Uncouth, thieving, disgusting creature,” muttered Madame Noir as her anger began resurfacing. “Sully my wardrobe with gore and remains, why don’t you…”
Somehow, this comment finally got to Red. The annoyed Demon stepped up to Noir, face to face, and boob to boob. “Feel free to kick me out, then! Oh, wait!” Red backed away, putting her hands on her face, gasping with wide eyes at the revelation of the century. “You can’t! Not without gettin’ your pretty shadowy body turned into FOOD, bitch!”
The shadowy mistress scoffed, deciding against testing her luck when she realized that the grip on her beloved revolver was uncomfortably tight. She turns away, returning to her mirror to bring peace the only way she knew how - looking at herself.
“Ugh. Very well - keep that clothing if you wish. I’ll make a note to disown it from my memory.”
Her dainty, well-manicured hand waved off at the Big Red crossing her arms in the reflection. To Noir’s dismay, this did not urge Red to leave - in fact, it made her get close enough to stare at her from over her shoulder. Instead of pressing into her more, however, The violent demon’s eyes were caught by something else.
“Hey, what’s those pictures for? ‘They your lovers or somethin’?”
Noir’s beautiful amber eyes followed Red’s pointing finger to her mural of enemies. A soft sigh escaped Noir, both in exasperation to Red’s idiocy, but also in relief that it brought her antagonism down to Zero…for now, anyway. The heavy click of her heeled boots echoed on her polished wooden floors as she walked to her mural - a map of Charlottesburg with photographs of key figures pasted upon it.
“Big Red. Are you aware of Charlottesburg…?”
“What, y’mean that city with all the furries n’ shit? Yeah, I got my share of Hikers from there before I met you!”
Noir’s roll of her eyes was almost audible with how exaggerated it was.
“Right,” she sighed out. “Anyway, I’ll make this simple. I was born in Charlottesburg when the town was still just a year and a few months old...ergo, in the ancient past. My family’s wealth in the trade of precious silk and horses for Equestrian riding assured me that I’d have a place among the Elite.”
“So, what, you looked at some horses and decided to go out with a bang?”
Red’s interruption had Noir sputter over her words.
“Why,” Noir asked in a hushed, furious tone. “Why on Earth did you jump to THAT conclusion?”
Red shrugged with a shit-eating grin. “Hey, you like horses enough to have a Stable nearby! Weird, though - why keep it around with no horses at all?”
Noir’s eyes clamp shut. The mantra of ‘Ignore her’ cycled in her head for 10 times, and then ten more times as she started to breathe slowly. Just tell her your story so she can leave, thought the angered Matriarch of the house.
“...I had an untimely Death. But I had insurance; communing with the Dark Arts led me to the secrets of resurrection. I hadn’t expected it to happen so soon, however…"
She returned to look at herself, her beautiful visage once again melting that death stare reserved for her 'Guest'. "...But now, here I am. In a world most unfamiliar, with a city, one that SHOULD be mine, run by an absolute charlatan-"
"Yeah, Yeah, Nepo-baby ain't get what she wants." Big Red interrupts, scratching her inner ear with a finger. "Just tell me who the people are."
It was then that Noir had been reminded that Red is much more focused when there's movement. Flippantly, she waves her hand, and the shadows of the room begin to coalesce before them. It took the shape of a stout, reptilian woman with a short, yet fat tail that sported business attire that barely fit her body, and inappropriate high heels.
"This, Red, is the Mayor of Charlottesburg - Sha'Nice Goldtail. She is my main roadblock in taking over this city."
Big Red looked for a moment, before sputtering out a laugh. She rose up to look into Noir's annoyed face with a grin. "Come ON!!" shouted the incredulous Demoness. "You're telling me a KOBOLD is giving you trouble?! Just slide in from the shadows and pop her in the head! Easy!!"
"Yes, Red, thank you for giving me the first Idea I had ever thought of." The sarcasm was enough to sour Red's mood. "Yes, upon first glance, this kobold, in her twilight years and drowning in hedonistic pleasure wherever she goes, SHOULD be an easy mark. However…" Now, Noir uses both her hands to conjure her darkness. The wall before them fades to absolute darkness, before pockets widen from it. Red watched in curiosity as she was shown visions of a Municipal building, a boardwalk, and city slums. Only the boardwalk had any motion, and it was because a Bat man was fornicating with an Otter person on one of the restaurant tables.
"As you can see, I have many avenues to this city through my power. I can slip into anywhere that darkness resides…for example." The shadow woman pulls out her revolver. She aimed at the Bat and pulled the trigger, landing a bullet in his leg. The screeches of pain were cut off as the pocket was swallowed by darkness. "It IS easy, yes, however, I cannot get into the Mayor's office at all. Nothing should be able to keep me out, but somehow that fat excuse for a lizard has a block on my power!"
"So why not tail her and wait for the right time?"
Noir's composure was slightly shaken on account of this being a normal question with logic. "Naturally, but the information I learned from her was incredibly queer." Red's childish snickering was cut off as the pockets between the darkness shifted again. Gone was the Mayor's office, leaving the pocket of the City street to expand. In it, large, reptilian creatures prowled the streets, flicking their tongues and scuttling about for their next hunt.
"These brutish reptiles are Komodos,'' explained the shadowy mistress. "They are said to be genetic mutations of True Dragons, and as such are more akin to the primal caveman of the distant past…" Noir held her hand up to hush whatever diatribe Red had to say. She simply adjusted the vision to show the Komodos convening together around a familiar figure: Sha'Nice Goldtail. When she struts forward with her exaggerated swagger, the Komodos follow with keen eyes and drooling maws.
"Whoa," gawked Big Red. "Big, Hunky, sacks of Flesh! Why didn't ya tell me sooner?!"
Noir scoffed, laying a hand on her face. "I simply can not deal with you…" Lifting her head, the exasperated Fiend continued. "The little lizard bitch is somehow controlling the Komodos. They also act as a secret police force, considering that Charlottesburg currently does not have one."
"Hold up," Red interrupts with a hand raised like a school child with a burning need for attention. "People are fucking in the streets is a given, but how's this city still running if there's no enforcers?! That place should be a Sodom and Gomorrah 2!"
Noir blinks in shock. She was taken aback by the outburst, not because it was rude, but because she reached the right conclusion!
"...Very good. Yes, even the most lawful of Men have darkness in their heart. This is why I've been so hesitant in making the first move; someone or something is pulling strings behind the scenes. There is no reason why a city run so laissez-faire should survive." The Madame turns to look at the strutting Kobold, snarling as she sees that she has begun to…"appreciate" her burly, neo-neanderthal friends. Her beautiful hair began to shift and move, pushed along by the winds of rage. “...She enforces nothing but her own hedonistic desires, and the people are pacified by drugs and pleasure. Like conditioned pets, all the people do is follow this THING's words to get their treat."
Madame Noir's hands were balled into fists. Their consistent shaking was catching the attention of Red, who stood next to her.
"You’re gettin’ bent outta shape. You really want to be the queen of this shitty city, huh?”
Red’s question was answered with Noir’s eyes staring at Red. Tilting her head, Big Red smiled before continuing. “Tell ya’ what. You CLEARLY got an interesting idea for this city. I WOULD say I wouldn’t give a shit, but it is pretty sad how a dragon-lovin’ lizard ‘s makin’ ya flip a bitch, so I think I’ll give ya a hand.”
Red chuckles, taking a glance at the pocket of reality that Noir left behind. The titular Mayor was doing her best impression of a pin cushion, with the Komodos acting as the throbbing Pins. “...’Sides. This place is clearly held up by glue n’ duct tape. Wouldn’t hurt to shake things up until everything falls apart..”
Madame Noir turns her full attention to Big Red, snapping away the pockets of reality. Her eyes narrowed as she stood up straight before the chaotic demon. “...This is a new side of you,” the younger of the two demons said calmly. “I assume you want something in return for your cooperation?”
“Whaddya mean? You’re already gave me somethin’!”
Noir was about to respond, but it took a moment to know what she meant. A gentle sigh escapes her, as the revelation that she would no longer be in total control of her home was made apparent.
“...Very well. What did you have in mind?”
“Well, for starters,” Red starts, walking around Noir’s room. “Who else wants that Mayor gone? From what yer telling me, this bitch has got opps all over.” Red smiled, but it faltered when she saw Noir’s confused face. “...Opponent. Y’know, like an enemy…Anyway,” Red stopped at the Mirror, and took the picture of Mayor Goldtail into her hand. “If you’re a one person show, then no shit yer not gettin’ anything done. Even if they’re nothin’ but meat shields, havin’ a team’s better than nothin’...ain’t like Judivah’s doin’ everything themself, right?”
All of Noir’s successes had been her own. Other than her early inheritance, Noir had been very proactive in paving her own destiny. The notion of having to share any of her fortune with someone else made her shadowy skin crawl - visibly, even. Despite this, she knew what she’d be giving up if she did not agree. Her hand opened up to Red for a shake.
“Very well,” Noir says, looking Red right into her eyes. “A deal with a devil to kill a Kobold.”
Red takes Noir’s hand, and shakes…before grabbing Noir and hefting her up into the air. Noir’s short scream ended with both of Red’s hands slapped on her ass cheeks, and Noir’s gun forced on the gray woman’s cheek.
“...Please don’t make me regret this.” Noir quietly asks.
“Too late for that, now come on! Let’s take a tour~!”
A deep sigh escaped Noir. Left in the grasp of her new, infuriating business partner, She slowly puts her gun away, pulling another Pocket from the Darkness. Their destination was set to the Heart of Charlottesburg. As much as it pained her to admit, Red was right. If one is to conquer something, they must first understand what they will be conquering.