These are the mugshots of everyone you are going to kill.

You got a head start. You already offed CROWBAR (7), MATCHSTICKS (11), and QUARTERS (14), depleting them of some of their muscle. You've still got to watch out for the others, and stay wary of their despicable time shenanigans.

ITCHY (1) has given you the slip repeatedly. DOZE (2) you've captured and interrogated just as repeatedly, to no avail. TRACE (3) has broken into your secret hideout more times than you can count, while FIN (5) always seems to be a step ahead of you and scoops your heists. CLOVER (4) has all the intel and is highly cooperative. You might need him to crack the vault. He'll be guarded. Best to avoid DIE (6) in any direct confrontations unless you want a temporal mess on your hands. But if you need any repairs, you could always get to STITCH (9) and "persuade" him. And you might need to if you can't kill SAWBUCK (10) with a clean shot. EGGS (12) and BISCUITS (13) are morons. But they are dangerous morons. CANS (15) is a tank and your crew'll probably need more ammunition than you packed to take him down.

No one knows what LORD ENGLISH looks like. But that'll be corrected tonight.

You've got dibs on English. He's all yours.

Author commentary: Here we are introduced to mug shots of the cult fan-favorite gang of time-traveling mobsters known as the Felt. The arc of this intermission as a whole has an uncharacteristically clear objective by Homestuck standards. Slick is supposed to kill all of these guys one by one, then finally encounter Lord English and kill him. (LMAO at this notion. It's a nice thought though, Slick.) The fun of this caper involves getting to know these morons, seeing their stupid powers in play, and generally getting swept up in the delirious idiocy of the resulting time shenanigans until everything goes to shit. So, somewhat a microcosm of Homestuck itself. In fact, this intermission turns out to be a great primer that helps brace the reader for keeping up with a lot of insane time-travel nonsense that quickly picks up steam soon after.


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