"immovable force"

  • he/him

I found out today that the second you go into a hole you can call yourself a Troglodyte and I think that's an inspirational and liberatory idea. You can just become a Troglodyte.

Is this you?

  • "I don't need to log on every day"
  • "Scrolling through an endless list of new and exciting posts doesn't interest me"
  • "I'd rather go outside and be among nature than post online"

Then pretty soon, you can expect to see posts like these:

  • Government Alert System
    Remain Calm
    Federal philosophers have been dispatched to your location.
  • Messenger
    8m ago
    Who the fuck has been trespassing on my private beach?
  • Messenger
    10m ago
    Who are you? Why are your pictures in my house?
  • Wikipedia
    20m ago
    Category Living People has been removed from your Wikipedia page.

Every year, an unquantifiable number of people experience Sudden Ontological Failure as a direct result of Not Logging On And Viewing Posts. With 90% of reality now taking place in cyberspace, you must View Posts for at least four (4) hours a day to ensure your meat body remains stable.

Don't be a statistic: Don't Not Log On. Your life may depend on it.