I kind of want this in a less fragmented space but also somewhere it's less committal like my actual site.
tl;dr: Oh wanting to be null, that's dysphoria huh?
This gets LONG, and extremely rambly. I apologise but I just want to put all these thoughts here, clean up some bits but it's mostly from microblogging in private
This was kinda spun on from more ~raunchy~ thoughts but also apparently that's the time I'm at my most introspective thoughts. I'll keep the exact spicy deets off this 'cus it's not really something I want a: in this page in general; b: not really what I want to keep here so I don't just lose it under a load of private toots on Mastodon
Also this all happened 4 days ago and my brain is still stuck on it
Like I can't decide if it's self doubt or something else and just
URGH it was easier before I realised stuff even if realising stuff made me happier
