Hatsune Michael

Got a podcast ad for Tinder and apparently the new feature they're pushing is called "matchmaker," which lets you suggest matches to friends (and family, the ad was very specific about this) even if they don't have the app. This is probably the funniest thing they could have done. There are like two main ways this is going to be used and they're both ridiculous.

-Your mom starts using tinder exclusively to find you nice Catholic boys because you've been single for a while and you're not getting any younger, your career can wait but the clock on starting a family is ticking.

-You get a text from your roommate that says "yo heard you like goth chicks" and a profile for an obvious bot.

I always feel weird taking a sick day when I'm in a largely WFH position. It feels like there's a higher barrier to entry then, like the reason for a sick day shifts from "I am ill and I don't want to get anyone sick" to "I am too sick to work." The problem there is that I'm always convinced I'm healthy enough to do work, like I'll be on my deathbed and convinced I can make it through this zoom meeting.

This guy wrote the best shitpost and he did it with complete sincerity. The powers of all the world's best posters flowed through this one man when he crafted it.