I’m an apologist for the Ubisoft open world formula, but finally I think I can join the ranks in loathing what the evilest French gaming company hath wrought upon us. Borrowing liberally from Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon, this DTV schlock is an echo of a pastiche, vibrant colors put to artless effect in a slog of masturbatory 80s ephemera. Fully 40 minutes longer than it deserves, Cage Match lacks even the reverence of Bill Palmer’s hacky Blood From a Stone script that only made for a modestly entertaining table read itself. Dreary stuff here with snide narration from Joel McHale throughout, years late to the party (Ready Player One was 2018!!) and stiff presentation that makes Moonbeam City look like high art. Garbage.