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Here are some of the great website features that I now enjoy:
- I have been named a beneficiary in Eggbug's will
- Once per day I can change a non-Plussed user's profile picture to whatever I want
- I can now set my Stance to Auto-Counter, which will deal 50 blood damage (ignoring armor) to any users that attempt to report my posts
- Every member of @staff must now think about me when kissing loved ones
- Every "like" my posts get now put me one step closer to the 10,000 "like" threshold necessary to unlock Cohost Plus! Squared!! status, which will allow me to purchase epic mounts
- If you try to criticize me @staff will DM you a polite but stern warning. If you get three warnings you are fined $100 and then banned
- Klout score instantly goes up by 30 points
- Interacting with my posts now grants you perfect recall of the half-remembered song that has been playing in the back of your mind all week
- Purchasing my game now gives you a deep sense of satisfaction that you are helping me afford my very important contribution to this budding website
- Two inches added to height, one inch added to dick girth
- "Pity likes" are now sincere
