Del*

Only because it came up in a Discord conversation and I'm really bored, no need to take it too seriously or anything

I'll repurpose Chief Miles Edward O'Brien's engineering priorities list with four categories which should all be self-explanatory: Must Watch, Decently Optional, Inoffensively Pointless, and Avoid At All Costs, with jokey elaborations as necessary that I'll try to keep non-spoilery and from turning into tiny little reviews (they're gonna turn into tiny little reviews, sorry)

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Must Watch

• Encounter at Farpoint. Or "the one with the jellyfish." It's bad, but it's also the pilot, and TNG doesn't start in media res like TOS kinda did so I guess you gotta watch it. Introduces Q, who remains a going concern until like, 2022, somehow

• The Battle. Or "the one with the headache orb." Ferengi not-introduction. Covers the same basic ground as their actual introduction episode and does a better job, in my opinion. The bulk of Picard's Stargazer backstory is also here

• Datalore. Or "the one with the crystal thing." Wellsir, it's got lore about Data, and data about Lore. All the Dr. Soong mad scientist stuff that will haunt the franchise for decades also starts here. "Are you prepared for the kind of death you've earned, little man?" all-timer shittalk

• Heart of Glory. Or "the one with the shouting." First full Worf episode and first Klingon worldbuilding update since the movies. Legit great tense opening act on the janky freighter. Cool yells, like top 10 anime yells

• Skin of Evil. Or "the one with the trashbag monster." Not great, but it's a character offramp that keeps coming up for years afterwards in oddly relevant ways

• Conspiracy. Or "the one with the buttbugs." Not as important as it was supposed to be (long story) but too wild of a thing to get away with on 1987 television that I can't help but highlight it

• The Neutral Zone. Or "the one with the country singer." Romulan re-introduction, their first proper appearance since TOS. Banger music. Also has a goofy-ass b-plot full of dorks but that's TNG, baby!

Decently Optional

• The Last Outpost. Or "the one with the laser whips." Actual Ferengi introduction episode, but not as good as the other one

• Where No One Has Gone Before. Or "the one with the creepy guy." Introduces the Traveler, who kinda just exists and is creepy. A very fun episode conceptually though, neat visuals

• Haven. Or "the one with the Twin Peaks giant." Introduces Lwaxana, who's entertaining but not terribly important outside of Troi episodes. Truly bizarre and cheesy design stuff all over this ep, might be fun with an edible

• 11001001. Or "the one with the Bynars." Neat early holodeck shenanigans and cool spacedock sequences. Might be why I got into jazz and brunettes, dunno. Not important but solid. Origin of Picard & Riker being cooler than everything

• Coming of Age. Or "the one with HARDCORE PSYCH EVALUATIONS." There's some vaguely useful Academy procedural stuff here that (sort of) gets retconned or forgotten later. Connects a little to Conspiracy

• Arsenal of Freedom. Or "the one with the tadpole drones." First Geordi episode, mostly. Might be of some importance to Picard/Crusher shippers if they still exist? How you folks doing out there? 2023 been a wild year for y'all

Inoffensively Pointless

• Hide and Q. Or "the one with the penalty box." Exceedingly minor Q follow-up episode, sorta immediately forgotten by the next one. "Those aren't muskets!" one of my favourite no-context Riker quotables

• Lonely Among Us. Or "the one with the letter P." There's a funny bit where Worf gets shocked by computer lightning (?) and kinda just snarls at it for several seconds. Otherwise ???

• The Big Goodbye. Or "the one with the mob." First real holodeck malfunction episode but those are almost never very good. Guest stars Lawrence Tierney, though! Cyrus Redblock! Cyrus Redblock!

• Too Short a Season. Or "the one with Benjamin Button." I think this is the first TNG ep continuing the grand old TOS tradition of admirals being terrible assholes. Really cool Starfleet intrigue stuff almost saves it

• Home Soil. Or "the one with the ugly bags of mostly water." Another TOS standby, the crazy/suspicious outpost scientists episode

• We'll Always Have Paris. Or "the one with the terrible Parisian cafe." Some neat time travel adjacent weirdness and very, very minor Picard backstory.

AVOID AT ALL COSTS!

• The Naked Now. Or "the one with party legend Jim Shimoda." Just watch the TOS original this rips off, or at least push it to the end of the season so when everyone gets drunk/horny the uncharacteristic behavior might actually land

• Code of Honor. Or "the one that's super racist." Shortlist candidate for worst episode of the season, series, and franchise. The reason this category exists. "Then you shall have NO treaty, NO vaccine, and NO Lt. Yar!" is a funny line but whatever, I just typed it and you just read it

• Justice. Or "the one with the banana hammocks." Truly hilariously bonkers horny costuming choices as prophesied by Gene's Vision. Just watch this and fill in the blanks yourself

• Angel One. Or "the one with Riker's extremely deep V." yo what if WOMEN were in charge of a PLANET

• When The Bough Breaks. Or "the one with the kidnappers." uhh Rascals: Part 0 or something? a kids episode, and a really blubbery parents missing their kids episode, unbearable

• Symbiosis. Or "the one with the space cocaine." Reagan-era war on drugs afterschool special only notable for getting a really funny follow-up on Lower Decks decades later

okay that's it I'm out see you next season