Dex 🔞

EVERY DAY SUNDAY THROUGH FRIDAY I GO TO WORK AND I TURN ON MY COMPUTER THAT USES ENOUGH ELECTRICITY TO FEED GERMANY IF EVERYONE IN GERMANY WAS A ROBOT. WHEN I PRESS THE POWER BUTTON A BAG CONTAINING SEVEN MILLION DOLLARS IS FED TO A PIT OF TIGERS. THIS IS INCIDENTAL AND UNRELATED TO THE FUNCTIONING OF THE COMPUTER. THEN MY BOSS COMES UP TO ME AND THEY SAY HEY AND I SAY WHAT AND THEY SAY WELL AND I SAY WHAT AND THEY SAY WHY ARENT YOU IN THE PIPES AND I SAY WHY WOULD I BE IN THE PIPES AND THEY SAY BECAUSE YOUR ENTIRE DEPARTMENT HAS BEEN REORGANIZED INTO A FLUID AND I SAY................................ OH, WELL I DONT KNOW HOW BE A FLUID AND THEY SAY THAT'S TOO BAD BECAUSE WE ALREADY SPENT THE ENTIRE TRAINING BUDGET SO I GUESS YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO LEARN FROM ONE OF YOUR SENIORS AND I SAY OKAY WHERE CAN I FIND THEM. MY BOSS THEN POINTS AT THE GIANT GLASS TANK IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FLOOR WHERE MY COWORKERS USED TO BE. I SAY OH I THOUGHT THAT WAS A NEW WATER COOLER AND MY BOSS SAYS DID YOUR DRINK YOUR COWORKERS AND I SAY NO EVEN THOUGH I TOTALLY DID. SO MY BOSS SPRINTS FROM THE ROOM AND I GO UP TO THE TUBE AND TAP ON IT UNTIL A FACE APPEARS OUT OF THE WRITHING WET. I THINK IT MIGHT BE THE GUY WHO ALWAYS ATE AT HIS DESK BUT UNFORTUNATELY HE DOESNT SPEAK ENGLISH ANYMORE BUT TALKS IN THE LANGUAGE OF REGRET OR MAYBE FRENCH OR SOMETHING. ANYWAY HE OPENS HIS MOUTH AND I HAVE A VISION OF THE TIME ONE OF MY PROFESSORS HUGGED ME AT MY COLLEGE GRADUATION AND I GOT A BONER ON STAGE WHICH DOESN'T AT ALL TEACH ME HOW TO BECOME UNSOLID. SO I TELL HIM TO FUCK OFF AND THAT HIS DESK SANDWICHES WERE GROSS WHICH I THINK ANGERS HIM BECAUSE EVERY FAUCET IN THE BUILDING TURNS ON AT ONCE AND STARTS EXPLODING LIKE THE FINAL STORY IN SONIC ADVENTURE. I HAVE TO ESCAPE BY JUMPING OUT OF THE WINDOW AND PRAYING I LAND SAFELY WHICH I DO BECAUSE MY OFFICE IS ON THE FIRST FLOOR AND IF THEY EVER REBUILD THE OFFICE I AM GOING TO ASK FOR A TALL OFFICE. ANYWAY THAT'S WHY I'M LATE TO THIS GRINDR HOOKUP.