Dex 🔞

I've had conversations like that with trans girls who transition in their teenage years.

I've been told, to my face, that "You do realize you have [insert something that happens from androgenic puberty] ¹, right?"

Put the keyboard down and touch grass. That is Internet Brain Poison spawned from the depths for 4chan and TTTT.

The reality is transition does one thing before it causes physical changes: It starts the mental changes. I've joked that estrogen is the only antidepressant that has ever worked for me, but it's also true. Transitioning will change how you see yourself - and that is worth more than...whatever minor details your dysphoria fixate on? That may or may not change, but after a while you might find you don't care anymore because you're happy.

I transition at 34, and I'm beautiful. I may not be conventionally attractive by societies standards, but fuck that, I'm fucking gorgeous and I'm happier than I've ever been in my life.

It's only too late to transition once you hit the morgue. Before that, the best time to transition is when you're ready.

1. This post originally had examples of the changes that people talk about or the minor details dysphoria fixates on, but I didn't want to trigger anyone's insecurities by being specific.

online, we were out as some flavour of non-binary at 22
but it took us until 28, with years of questioning it, to be confident enough to send a bank transfer to a dodgy seeming website in a country we had never previously heard of before we started looking into this
because the danger of not knowing became more than the danger of whatever might have happened as a result ¹

it's been a slow process. frustratingly so at times; seeing the miracles that have happened to friends in a much shorter space of time.
but of course, they're on a stronger dose.
that's actually appropriate for them.

there is one specific regret in not starting earlier; one aspect of our dysphoria that maybe could have been better if we'd started before a particular hereditary curse did most of its damage.
even discounting that aspect, we will likely never pass by many conventional metrics.

but we've felt the fucking joy that comes with the changes.
we've started going looking for cute outfits again rather than just cheap tees and jeans
we've started taking more selfies again
most of the time we speak about the "flesh prison" now, we're at least joking a little
there is a little bit of happiness every time we breast boobily down the stairs - even if i have no idea how visible it is to others

(and even with not passing, our transition goal was always femme werewolf or mama bear)

we are out to some extent at work ² and that's not something we really imagined when we started

1. (and the danger of whatever might have happened as a result was still significantly less than the danger of trying to do things "the proper way". welcome to the uk, where the laws in this area are awful and only getting worse)

2. they will probably only get they/them for the duration of our employment there, but that's accurate for the system as a whole (although I suspect we're probably not going to tell them that part anytime soon either)