Dex 🔞

oh goodness, I'm not a philosopher but...

for me I think one of the most important parts of being dragon is that it's an emotional anchor for me. Something I hold very close to the heart, very close to the core of what I am; I find it very comforting and reassuring.

I'm a dragon, I think, simply because it suits me better than being a human does. It feels more right, more correct, on a deep and difficult to articulate level

For this series of posts let me give you a little background. I was like 90% sure I was a dragon therian. I talked with people about it on an alterhuman discord. But I still felt like I didn't get it.

So I decided to be brave. I sent the same ask to most of the therians on my timeline I respected. That was maybe six asks? I got 4 replies. This is the first and probably the most important.

It's a simple answer really. but it's not about phantom limbs or true selves or any of that, it's just, being a dragon is better than being human. I thought I had to meet some big list of criteria, rather than just my love of dragons, and desire to be one. but I was wrong.

It's also my favorite of these because in the comments It's the first time I've been called 'kin' and that made me cry. God. I want to frame this post.

i think my biggest regret re: cohost is not being more open about my interests sooner tbh

i've spent the majority of my life (so far) being incredibly reserved about my interests. the reasons why are complicated, and range from overbearing adults in my early life pressuring me to monetize my hobbies to pathological demand avoidance. whatever the exact reasons are, suffice it to say that sharing my interests with others has always been a point of contention for me

i always thought i'd get laughed off the internet for having a hobby i wasn't already good at. that if i were new at something, i better hide the interest altogether until i had reached an intermediate skill level. only then did i feel comfortable sharing

but here? on cohost?

i saw all sorts of people try things for the first time. people who reached their mid-life picking up art for the first time. established artists branching out into nsfw and/or furry art for the first time. new game devs, musicians, essayists, you name it

and that made me feel like it was okay to be new at something too

and so i started posting about stuff i was struggling with, both in my life and with regards to my new hobbies. people listened and offered me advice and resources

for the first time in my life, i got to slough off the crushing weight of perfectionism in a community space. and that freed me up to actually enjoy the process of learning (both by myself and around others)

and because of that? i'm actually starting to learn a couple programming languages. something i've been wanting to do for YEARS but never felt like i was allowed to because i would be "bad" at it.

thank you everyone, and i hope to keep finding communities like this one. communities where i can keep being new at things, learning new skills around other newbies, share what i've learned, and hopefully even get help/advice from more experienced folks

i'll carry the lessons i learned here for a very long time.

Coyote did! By quite a few years!

Originally, Remmy (sans -zilla) was a "totally not my fursona because I don't have a fursona especially not a GIRL because I'm definitely not a girl I just like playing as her and can't feel comfortable playing male characters and stuff almost entirely and uh ANYWAY-" situation. My first "Character" ever, too, going back to like 2008-2009! She was "just" a coyote, but because because, she was always gigantic! The kaiju part came from an off-hand joke in the BigFurs IRC during a smashy rampage RP session and...Then Remmyzilla happened in 2012! There was some personal stuff I rambled through since this was highschool and retired both characters for almost a year because of unwanted attention and very in denial gender feelings I didn't even begin to have the framework to make sense of, but hey, now she's ME, and I'm HER, and here we are!

And in fact, I have the very first picture, and the first colour pic of her too! Nashika drew the first, first Remmy. And in colour was drawn by a friend at the time back in 2011 I'd met on the Maplestory forums and would chat with on AIM now and again, Tonecameg.