Dispatches-From-Amaurot

A Mostly IC Digest by Aellae Neru

  • She/They

Our name is Aellae on Discord.

Legatus Frumentarius Erat
Shard of Igeyorhm
Mildly Majorly Burnt Out Writing Catte
Bearer of Resting Villain Face

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Dispatches-From-Amaurot
@Dispatches-From-Amaurot

DISPATCH FROM AMAUROT - AD INTERROGATIONEM
1056 BELLS - DIE 23 - ASTRAL MOON 5:

SUBJECT:
Regarding a dram of the unspeakable
POLICY: Quaestio Diei


I am a shard of Igeyorhm, and in my shard of reality, things were not the same. There are horrors that I hold inside. I am nigh unsundered, because I have rejoined with the shards of myself, almost all of them. I remember each of them, and the ways in which we rejoined. I remember my lives. I remember my deaths. Many times at the hands of my friends. Especially my dear friend, Emet-Selch, who was Hythlodaeus, in my timeline. I also know that I lost. Hydaelyn's Advocate failed.

Azem and Zodiark were triumphant, and I was hurled out from mine own timeline by Zodiark to one that is far more... nominal. The one in which I exist with everyone else. I don't often speak of what I saw, as I was hurled from my reality, past countless others. How many times I saw myself die. How many other realities, and how few of them I stood up and behaved as I did. I have seen the star die so many times. In mine head is so much cursed knowledge. I exist in my daily life with all this knowledge and I try to smile. I try to laugh. To have a measure of bon vivance and flirtatiousness. I know it's there though, lurking in the backs of mine eyes.

I don't speak on the subject much, but also, I don't think there are many who would want to know, who would want all that spoken to them. I am a heavy burden in that regard, but I do try my utmost to carry myself, and not weigh anyone else down.

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in reply to @kmonfm's post:

Spoilers through patch 6.2, cw for something that’s not quite suicidal ideation but close

After discovering that she was the reincarnation of Azem, Grace Horizon was horrified and distraught. She believes that old things should eventually die and be gone forever, to make room for new things, and specifically at that point in the story she viewed the continued influence of the Ancients as neglectful or abusive precursors who left a legacy of harm. So she considered becoming a Reaper, and making a modified pact with her voidsent partner that entitled it to consume her soul when she died. That way she would live one last life of adventure, then die forever to make room for new souls in her place.

Since then she’s had a change of heart — she feels less negatively about the Ancients, there are still things originating in the deep past that are appropriate for a hero from the deep past to deal with (what are the Twelve up to, anyway?), and in a recent visit to the Thirteenth she learned that being devoured by a voidsent doesn’t even necessarily destroy a soul — but that’s probably the darkest thing from her story: considering arranging for the permanent destruction of her soul upon her death.

in reply to @Dispatches-From-Amaurot's post:

Bex: You are not a heavy burden, my love. You will never be a heavy burden. Whatever haunts you, whatever wipes the smile off of your face, I want to shoulder it all because I love you. Loving you, and all that comes with that, will never be considered a burden to me. In fact, loving you and shouldering your pain is a blessing.