I work a very regular-houred job. I work Monday through friday, 9-4 (with unpaid breaks to bring it to 6 hours. it's technically part time). This means Sunday nights are a routine end of the weekend for me. I'm what the kids call neuro spicy, I like some routine. I'm also a big fan of what I call Reset Times. You know, like new years day, the first of a month, 12:00 noon on the dot, Monday mornings. I like when a unit of time can start anew. This makes Sunday nights a particularly cleansing sort of pensive. Maybe my week actually begins on Sunday nights. I try not to plan any activities after 5pm or so. I take my time resetting everything for the week. Filling my bag for work tomorrow, putting water and coffee in the machine and setting it to auto, loading the dishwasher. Shaving.
I have thoughts about what shaving means to me as a trans person. I see the ritual of shaving as incredibly Gender. Especially if I use my soft pink terrycloth headband to hold my hair back from my face. Shaving is such an intimate and careful way to have an immediate effect on your physical body's gender presentation. Aside from a haircut (which is kin to shaving, let's be real), you can't really have that sort of careful, personal change happen. Surgeries and HRT take time. Makeup and clothes are external and aren't part of your body. Tattoos and piercings are largely things that happen To You. And shaving is something most adult-bodied folks can experience, whether it be shaving your body hair or facial hair. Or having the choice to not do that. Of course there's also the choice to wax or laser. Whatever. But it's something that people of all genders really can participate in if they want to. Which makes it so gender to me. I like having facial hair. It is a consequence of the hormone makeup of my body right now. I tend to be more favorably gendered with it than without (my pronouns are usually an 'iykyk' kind of thing). But I don't like it being long, and I don't let it grow long enough that it can merely be groomed. I like it to be stubble and a bit. So I shave. And I like the level of growth I can get out of a week, so I shave once a week. I shave on Sundays. In a way, it's like resetting my presentation back to a predictable spot. I also wash and condition my hair on Sundays, and trim my nails. My whole appearance and presentation gets refreshed on Sunday nights.
I don't really know what full connection or tidy ending or big idea this blog post has. There's just some interesting feelings I have on Sunday nights where I feel myself reset for the week, but not just in the household and body but in my mind and gender. Sunday nights are very peaceful for me. There's something to be said about how I like my job enough that I rarely dread going to work tomorrow when it's a Sunday night. Sure, I'd love to not have to work, and soon enough I'll have two weeks off for winter break, but I don't hate having to go in. And resetting on a Sunday night really helps me prepare my mind for the work.
I've worked jobs where I didn't get two days in a row for a weekend. I'd get split days off, or work many days in a row without a day off. Having a night to reset and refresh that wasn't also my only night off work is essential to caring for my mental health. I feel all kinds of awful about how thats a luxury that many people, most people probably, don't get. My job isn't all perfect, I mean I make a net $1500 a month to do grueling teaching and caretaking work for a class of teenagers with a wide range of disabilities. It's rewarding, and I get nights and weekends and holidays and summers off, and that is what keeps me here. I'd have to make a lot more a month to go back to retail. Maybe 3-4x that a month to go back honestly.
This is getting long and rambly, but I've just been thinking about how much I cherish my sunday nights. I'm going to make myself some hot cocoa or something and journal a bit before I go read and go to bed. Goodnight, y'all. Enjoy your week.